Apology to Myself

I'm sorry that I am so weak. I'm sorry that I cannot fix this. I'm sorry I let things get out of hand. I'm sorry I didn't use the mind I had. I'm sorry that I am now losing my mind. I'm sorry that you probably won't make it. I'm sorry you are getting scared of everything. I'm sorry you were pushed around as a kid and I'm sorry that the repressed emotions are surfacing. I feel so sorry for you. You can't even defend yourself anymore. What started out as a quest for ultimate strength is now a struggle to get out of bed in the morning. I'm sorry you have battles in your mind about whether you should go to class where people can see you. I'm sorry you can't leave home most of the time. I'm sorry that you are afraid to speak to people, ask for help, inquire about services, say hello...I'm sorry you are emotionally eating. I'm sorry you feel so empty. I'm sorry you have no friends. I wish I could fix this. But I've tried. And tried. And I clearly can't fix it. It's over. I don't know what else to do. I think it's time you got some professional help. This can't end in tragedy. You had dreams. Get this fixed.