Resistance

Okay. I've lost 3 lb since Wednesday. Awesome. Will power is at it's peak. And it's here to STAY. I read, exercise, read, exercise, dance, read, dance, push-ups, read, dance, snack. That's pretty much all I do. I like doing those things, so it's not a problem. I've been fat-free for the past 3 days, and that's how I plan to stay. I never ever want to go back to eating carbs, binging on bread and butter, gaining weight...I will never let myself sink that low again. That has been embedded in my mind. Yesterday, I made my mother a coffee cake out of the goodness of my heart. She's obsessed with coffee cake. The last time I made coffee cake, I ended up bingeing on half of it. This time, I picked a crumb off, ate it, decided it was good, and walked away. I am strong.

Tonight is my godmother's Christmas party. Her husband is a chef, a good one. I'm not sure what they're serving. Sometimes at their parties we have elegant sit-down gourmet dinners, sometimes he makes a buffet. Whatever it is tonight, I hope I can get away with eating only a heap load of veggies and maybe a tiny portion of meat. They always comment on my eating... Anyway, I think I'm capable of losing 3-5 more lb by Christmas! I'm going hold my power tightly. I can't let it go, I won't slip. I'll be thin.

Will Power

My younger sister is starting to work out. It's kinda freaking me out because she's the "happy daughter," the cute one, the one that eats ice cream every night. This morning she was like, "I want to be like Alisha, she's healthy." My mother scoffed and said, "Alisha's not healthy, Alisha's mad. She doesn't know how to live." Fucking bitch. I love my life. Anyway. I just had 2 slices of bread and butter, which was NOT planned. But not a binge and not a big deal (today). Tonight is grandpa's 80th bday hall party. I'll only eat salads. Promise. I want to share with you all this little something that an old friend of mine posed a very long time ago. It's up on my bulletin board and never fails to inspire me.

Will - desire, want. Direction in which the flow is downhill.

Power - I'm not sure. Guesses:
-Volume of flow under your control. I suppose that is the energy you have power over. 

-Ability to go against the flow

Happiness is feeling a fast flow.

Will is the direction you perceive as downhill, and thus the direction that you believe will cause you to move fastest when travelled.

Hate is resistance to flow. 
Resistance to the movement of energy. Why would you resist the movement of energy? If you believe a lack of resistance would take you in a direction that you do not want to travel in, hate is stiffness, flexing, tense, afraid.

Power is your ability to move independent of flow. 
Power is unnatural, non-oraganic.
Power is independence.

That is why hate feels like power.
Power is the ability to move independent of the flow around you. 

And hate resists the flow. But it does not create a flow.

Will power is moving uphill


Forcing yourself against the flow.