102.5

Melissa, you were right! The 'binge' probably sped up my metabolism because I woke up this morning and weighed-in at 102.5 lb! Yay, no more 103s! I'm thrilled. But still, I cannot stand the sight of my hips. It's horrifying to look in the mirror and see how wide they are. I pinch my hips and I still need to lose at least another 2 inches off them. I hate looking at my hips before I shower, I really do. Moving on. I am happy with my life and the way it's turning out. I can't stress that enough! It's a nice change. I'm so much happier now than I was March to mid-June, when I was gaining weight like crazy and neglecting health. I feel good about myself noq. All 102.5 lb! My clothes are loose and my muscles are fairly prominent. I bought a skipping rope yesterday, and I'm gonna take Rachel's suggestion and try skipping, since 15 minutes burns 128 calories.
I've agreed with my mom to go to the doctor's for a physical, which we do annually before school. The only reason I said okay is because I don't want my family getting suspicious and I KNOW that once university starts I'll be losing a shitload of weight. Life will be good. I'll be so thin that I'll be able to glide, float through rooms. I'll read lots of books, make good friends, study everyday, do my homework, and workout every single day on account of the amazing gym at University of Toronto. I'll be beautiful, graceful, intelligent, and friendly. My family won't bother me. "Alisha, we're going to soandso's for a Christmas party." "I can't I have a HUGE test tomorrow." "Alisha, get ready we're going out for dinner." "I CAN'T I have to finish this paper for Monday." Muahahahah. My parents want to go out for dinner today, which I'm fine with because I've been craving a fine dinner. I don't have to eat everything, anyway.

To be or not to be (normal, that is).

I want to lose 5 pounds in 2 weeks. I'm running and eating healthy. I NEED to do this. I NEED to lose AT LEAST 5 lb. I want to be thin. I want to be envied. I wan to stand out. I want to be perfect. I want to be stared at wherever I go. I want the body of a model. I want my six pack back. I want to be beautiful.

I went for a check up with my doctor on Tuesday. She weighed me. She was happy to know that I weighed-in at 112 pounds. What the... That's probably because right before the appointment I had eaten lunch and drank a bottle of water. At least, I hope that's why I weighed-in so high. There's no way I'm 112...Anyway, the doctor told me that 112 is where I was 2 years ago, before my ED. A year and a half ago, I was 95 lb...I want to be back there...None of this average girl bullshit. I don't want to be normal.

I got Hydroxycut Max Advanced for Women. I started it yesterday. So far so good. Let's see where this goes.