I am full of shit.

Sorry, for my absence.
I am seriously full of shit.
There is so much I need to say and figure out. I'll do a real update soon.
I just really need to figure my shit out.
I've gotten really fat. I know this because my underwear doesn't even fit anymore. I'm a fat-ass, literally.
I'm fixing this, I swear.
I swear.
I'll fix this.
I don't want to be full of shit anymore.

Slump and Rant

I haven't been posting because I've been going through a slump. I'm sure we've all gone through one and we all know that they suck. Basically, I've been sitting around, doing nothing for the past week. Absolutely nothing. I was feeling guilty because I said I'd start my diet/workout routine this week, but I realized that I am going through a slump. Slumps pass and I need this week to relax. Sometimes we just NEED to sit around and do nothing. First semester is over and I could not be happier.  Remember that I said I wanted to take last week to study and ACE my two tests? Well, I was full of shit. I barely studied. I think I failed my calculus test and maybe just passed my Italian test. This really sucks because now I have to work EXTRA hard in second semester. I'm on academic probation for Christ's sake, what the fuck is wrong with me!? I am going to use this month I have off to catch up with all my studying. I will go into second semester full of motivation and drive to do well. I will be the university student I have always wanted to be. I will be studious and I will always have time to work out. I am going to do this.

My home situation isn't looking very good right now. My parents are up my ass about everything. I am 19 years old and in university. They cannot keep treating me like I'm in high school. Every time they talk to me, they ask me about school and how much I'm studying. I acknowledge that I never study, but it is none of their business. It's none of their business if I'm up until 2 AM on the Internet. I wish they could just leave me alone to do my own thing. They also think I'm an alcoholic. And because of that, they have revoked my car privileges. I am only allowed the car to go to school and back. I cannot use the car to socialize. If I want to go out, I have to take the bus. The problem is I live too far to take the bus to where my friends are. It's such bullshit. And to top it all off, my curfew is 1:30 AM.  What. The. Fuck. If I get to the club at 11, I'm not going to leave in 90 minutes to get home by 1:30! Complete bullshit. But I can't do anything about it because if I want to live under their roof I have to follow their rules. One night, they flat out told me that they're tired of having to deal with me and that I should just move out. I DO want to move out (BADLY), but I have no money and I've never had a job.

If my parents continue to attempt to control me like this, my ED will come back for sure. The differences between my parents and I are too great. This has been building up over the past few years and it's peaked now. I really do hate my parents. One day, I will leave them forever. The other day, I wanted to go to M's place to watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show with her. I told them I was already on campus, and asked if I could just go over to M's place, watch the show then come home. M lives 5 minutes from campus. My dad was like "NO, no car, you can come home and watch it, anyway we don't trust M, I had a bad dream about her so I don't trust her." WHAT. THE. ACTUAL. FUCK. He doesn't trust M because of a BAD DREAM?!?! I lost it at that point. I am done talking to them. I think they're full of shit. I think my mum suspects that me and M have a thing, so that's her reason for not wanting me to see her, but I AM FUCKING 19, you cannot tell me who I can and can't hang out with. UGH. I ended up hanging out with M most of the day anyway (behind their backs) and my mom bitched at me because I came home at 8:30, when I originally said I'd be home at 6:30, EVEN THOUGH I called and said I'd be late. I have to find a job. I'm nervous about getting one, but I have to do it. If any of you lovelies have any advice, feel free to share! End rant. I hope by Monday, my slump will be over and I can start losing weight again...

Thanksgiving Weekend

Ugh, so it's Thanksgiving here. I'm annoyed because tonight AND tomorrow I have to go to a family dinner.  And it's the SAME family, the SAME people!!!  What the hell!  It's so stupid.  Anyway.  My eating is getting better.  I just need to stop eating Ferrero Rochers.  I need to get myself all sexy and lean and toned because I've become popular and I'm a "catch" (and I know it) and that means that I have more of a change of hooking up which means I need to be lean.

It's become really hard for me to get to the gym.  I'm so busy with school and my social life.  So I suppose it would be easier if I made more of an effort to work out at home.  Just because I can't make it to the gym doesn't mean I can't work out at all!  I can do Insanity, ab workouts, push ups, lunges... Haha I've just inspired myself.

Me Being Lazy

Ugh, I'm starting to annoy myself with the way I have not been working out.  Seriously, I've become a slacker.  Which is odd.  I am so used to priding myself on being super-athletic and "tank" but how can I say that NOW when I haven't been working out AT ALL?  I can't.  That means...I need to get my ass to the gym EVERY SINGLE DAY I'm at school.  That's four days a week, at least.  I still look sexy, though.  I'm not gonna deny it, I am an extremely sexy girl.  That's why I'm excited to work out because I'll become even sexier.  Haha.

So, um.  There's this girl I really like.  Yeah.  In my absence from this blog I figured some things out.  I like girls.  And boys.  I won't bother explaining, but if you're actually interested in how I came to terms with this, just leave me a message in the comments, and I'll do a post on it!  So this girl.  I really like her.  A LOT.  I haven't had a legit crush in a long time.  I met her at a few LGBT events on campus.  Hopefully I can make something happen... OH.  WAIT.  

On a different note:

• I HAVE FRIENDS
• I HAVE A SOCIAL LIFE
• PEOPLE RECOGNIZE ME AROUND CAMPUS
• I GO OUT
• I HAVE A GOOD TIME
• I GET INVITED OUT
• MY CELL PHONE ACTUALLY GETS MESSAGES
• PEOPLE COMMENT ON MY FACEBOOK
• I REPEAT: I HAVE FRIENDS

These concepts are allall so new to me and so beautiful.  It feels good.  For the first time in a long time, I am happy.  

Health

I feel like I owe my followers on here an explanation. I started writing this entry on June 28, but abandoned it…Nearly two months have gone by. I can't even describe the strangeness of my life as of late. I am a new person. I think I am recovered. And to think, I did it all by myself. I cannot believe I used to live off 500 calories per day. I can't believe I managed to spend 2 hours at the gym after only eating 200 calories. I have realized that I really am not fat. With my increased eating, I've been building lots of muscle and I look toned and, soon, I will have that Miranda Kerr body I've always dreamed of. I think of this blogging community a lot. I remember how I used to scoff when girls would write about getting better or "living;" look at me now. I remember the mountains of support you all gave me. And I can't help but smile because this whole thing was/is such a pleasant experience. True, ED was/is like an abusive boyfriend, but I still do feel like I'm missing a part of myself sometimes. I'm told that this will get better with time.

I just weighed myself, only for the purpose of this blog. I am about 118 lb. But that doesn’t bother me. I look great! I feel great! I am healthy. And I can eat whatever I want and not gain weight. Literally. I’ve actually trained my body to crave healthy foods, and now, junk food just doesn’t agree with me. (Although, I WILL have cheesecake for dessert if I’m at a restaurant!)

It’s been almost four months since my decision to be healthy. I start school in a little over two weeks. That scares me. I won’t have as much control over my meal times, which might mess up my metabolism. That’s why I’m going to create a schedule based around my classes, so I WON’T mess up my metabolism. Me and my therapist are scared that I might fall back into my ED when school starts. I have mixed feelings about this. It scares me, but at the same time, I am reminded of all the “adventures” I had. Funny, I know. Anyway, I’m about to catch up on all your blogs. I may not comment, but I’m reading. OH, and follow me on tumblr! http://petiteetbelle.tumblr.com/ ALSO: if you have a Pottermore account, add me as a friend: goldmoon77 I’m a Gryffindor!

New Perspective

The strangest of things is happening to me. For the past month, extreme laziness has overtaken me. I have not gone outside in 3 weeks. I have not exercised, in the slightest, in 4 weeks. I have been maintaining my weight by eating like a normal healthy person; it is so strange, so foreign to me. I haven't been updating as much because nothing new or interesting has been happening to me. But I'm getting bored of that. Shocker. Haha. I want to start successfully losing weight again. So today, I'm ACTUALLY going to exercise. It's the most beautiful day and I want to create happy memories for myself.

I was going though my old journals the other day, from when I was really really thin. I've decided to do things similar to what I did back then. I'm keeping my calories between 800-1000 per day, eating every 2 hours, and eating whole foods, mostly fruits and vegetables and lean protein. I am always satisfied and I never crave. It's quite a beautiful thing. AND my tummy is flat and never bloated. Truth be told, I want to prove to myself how STRONG I can become. My hatred for my parents does not have to consume me; I can become thin at the same time.

Plan

-Shower

-Spend the next 5 hours studying for French

-Eat some veggies

-Head to French exam

-Do my best to pass

-Come home and study biology until midnight.

The saddest realization of finals week is this: I paid for 5 courses this year; I will most likely be walking away with only 2 credits. It wasn't my year. But it's going to be my summer. So far, I've had 150 calories. Not going to go over 500. Today is going to be perfect. I can feel it. It's fluttering in my stomach.

plan

-Shower

-Eat something. Anything. I'm so empty.

-Study psych

-Read biology

-Look at economics notes

-Head to 8 PM econ exam.

-Fail

-Drive home

-Sleep

Next Day Syndrome

Well. Um. This is embarrassing, but, uh.... Today was a bust. I fucked up, yes, big time, I binged. I don't purge anymore, I don't have the energy. I woke up with whatever I ate yesterday still in my stomach so I wasn't hungry, but my OCD compelled me to have my usual breakfast, despite the fact that it was 12 noon. I had a few chocolate covered biscuits and chocolate, despite telling myself 1000 times that I was supposed to making positive changes in my life today. I made brownies and ate some, despite the murderous pain in my already-full stomach. That is a very long day of bingeing made very short. I am exhausted. It's been one of those days where you just can't wait for the next day to come so you can start over fresh.

I'm starting fresh tomorrow. It'll be a perfect Sunday. I'll wake up by 9 AM, have a light breakfast, and wash my hair. I'll study economics from 10:30-3, then have an apple and straighten my hair. I'll study psychology from 4-6, then have a yogurt and drive to the library and study French until 10 PM. Sounds perfect. Let's see if I'm not completely full of shit. If tomorrow goes something like that, then I'm not full of shit. If I screw up, that means I'm full of shit and incapable of accomplishing anything. (Yes, I'm an extremist.)

I've been seeing my therapist and it's going swell. She has made me realize so many things about my life and who I am. She has helped me realize how controlling my parents have actually been my entire life. They have always had the best intentions, but they didn't realize that they went about it the wrong way. Everything my parents have ever done to me was so they could have better control over me. Looking back, it makes so much sense! I hate my parents so much, more than ever now, after realizing all this. They did this to me, I'm screwed up because of them. But my therapist says she will help me pick myself up and move on. I can't wait to get up.

Does anyone think that victory is possible without facing danger?

I was watching Peal Harbor (I HAVE NOT FINISHED IT YET, PLEASE DON'T SPOIL IT!) and I am really really sad. I mean, who would fall in love with me? What sort of boy wants to be with a girl who is afraid of food, who sticks her face in a toilet every once in a while? This is really awful. Every night, I have Nutella. I'm sick of it. I still manage to get away with less than 500 calories a day, but my body is going to store the Nutella. I don't want it to be this way. So I'm through. I am never eating Nutella again. It's not okay. It's not part of the person I want to be. I was thinking the other day that in 10 years, I would be ashamed of the person I am now. I don't want that. I want to be PROUD of myself 10 years from now. I want to be strong and beautiful. I want to be able to look back and see that I was good at something and that I succeeded.

I want to lose 10 lb so I can have the confidence to talk to people, be able to wear cute clothes, attract boys... I want to be dashingly beautiful. I want to make boys look twice. I bet I could be real charming and sweep a boy off his feet, if I could just get the confidence. From now on, I will simply focus on getting to 100 lb. That's all. Nothing else matters because everything else centres around being 100 lb. I hope you are all doing well. xo

Credibility

I just want to spend the rest of my life being independent, in control, and doing what I love. I mean, I'm such a city girl. A hipster, if you will. I can't wait until my passion becomes a reality. I'm barely eating these days and I'm getting smaller and my muscles are constantly on fire. I feel as though I have tarnished my "credibility" as a "self-sufficient" girl by telling my parents my problems and asking for a therapist. But, I'm sure therapy will help me in the long run. I am becoming a better person. I am starting to let myself go out more. I am observing people. The other day, a girl I knew from high school invited me to go to the library with her, where I noticed how so many different people would come up to her/us and say hi and make conversation! It was amazing! My interest in social psychology was bursting and I was in awe of the fact that...friendships exist! I was amazed that people have personalities and they talk and they help each other out and they comment on each other's "pretty eyes" and six degrees of separation is a true fact!

Anyway, I was thinking that I could stay like this forever. Eating less than 500 calories a day, with maybe one cheat day, and running all the time and being busy instead of eating...I mean, there are mountains of things to do other than eat! According to my calculations, I should be 103 lb by April 1. Right on schedule. I can't believe I've beaten the binge. I've come so far. Less than two more weeks of classes, then I'm DONE (except exams). I can't wait for summer and to be back in the 100 lb zone and wearing cute clothes and being tiny and not having to wear a jacket...and being satisfied.

Why I've Been So Distant/Lowest Weight Pictures

-Instead of blogging about it, I do something about it.

-I do push-ups. I stretch. I do calf raises for 2 minutes while my tea steeps.

-I'm too busy focusing on things other than food/eating, that I literally forget about it (hence, giving me nothing to blog about).

Essentially, I don't even THINK about eating, thinspo, etc. I have my plan and I stick to it. All I really know, is that I have to workout for at least an hour everyday and that I can't eat fat and that I can only eat every 4-5 hours. It's hard to explain. And if I go on the Internet, I just check what's new on Youtube and Tumblr for about 15 minutes, after which I get bored, so then I read, study, or do some calisthenics. I have realized that I just have to stop worrying about what I'm going to eat, and merely eat the bare minimum. Enough to get by. Food was never the problem. It was just me.

Mark my words. I'll be in the 90 lb range for my 19th birthday on May 24. I am laughing at how I used to let food control me. I am laughing at how I used to let little things get in my way. Regardless of how shitty I feel, an hour at the gym will ALWAYS make me happy. That's why I make myself go; it'll be worth it. Tomorrow, I'm going to set the scene for a good week, by not having any Nutella. Anyway, I hope I've inspired some of you! I'll catch up on your blogs after my French test tomorrow! xo Oh yeah, here's pictures of me when I was a skinny bitch. 95-ish lb. I'm in the white shirt. Ignore the strangeness of the pictures, it was after Warped Tour '08.

Two Weeks B/P Free

Literally, I haven't been on Blogger. Life has been so busy. I'm trying to use my time wisely and be more productive. Learn new things. Read books. Go outside. Take pictures. Study harder. Sleep. Of course, I am full of shit when it comes to studying. I get so exhausted by the end of the day that I don't study. I did not put even ONE hour of studying for my Economics test, which I probably got zero on today. But I had time, hours and hours of time. I have a French test on Monday, which I'll be better on. I'm prepared. As predicted, my mom freaked out when I told her I wanted to lose 15 lb, but whatever. I told her she can nag me about eating all she wants because, at the end of the day, I will do what I want to do with MY life. My parents are sooo concerned about me. I am kinda kicking myself for telling them, but I don't want to become psychotic in the future. Social anxiety sucks. Everyone around me has friends and can talk to people. I am going to try to fix my problem while I've still got time.

These days, exercising is my life. I exercise hard-core everyday. And I'm getting stronger. I can feel it. That's why I don't understand why I'm so exhausted by the end of the day. Maybe it has something to do with eating less than 500 calories a day...haha. I'm working on being able to do 10 consecutive pull-ups, with zero assistance. Right now I'm using 30 lb of assistance and I work my way down in 10 lb increments. I can also do about 30 real push-ups in a row. I look and feel great. HOWEVER, the numbers aren't changing on the scale. The numbers always piss me off. So I'm going to try to weigh myself only once a week from now on. I KNOW I'm getting thinner, I can feel it and see it, but I'm probably building some muscle, too.

My main goal is to get thin and toned for summer. I gave up bread for Lent and I have not binged or purged in two weeks! That's incredible. Obviously, I only have one trigger. But the thing is...my sacrifice has made me feel more spiritual and I want to be more spiritual, as well. Like every time I wanted bread, I stared at it and thought, "I sacrificed this for Jesus." And I walk away. My ONLY problem: Nutella. Yup. I have a whole spoon of it at night. Bad. I'd be perfect without it. So gradually, I'll stop eating that, too, just like the bread.

Quick Update

Tomorrow I'm going to the gym first thing in the morning. I'm making such great progress. I look better, I feel better, I have more energy...! I'm thrilled. I am hoping to lose 4 more lb by Tuesday. I used the elliptical today, which was a cool change since I have never actually used it. I confirmed today that I am, in fact, too heavy for the treadmill. I constantly felt like I was going to fall over my own weight and my body thudding on the belt was throwing me off. I'll use it again when I'm less than 106 lb. I'm going to see Down With Webster on Saturday. I was hoping to be less than 100 lb by now because I wanted to attempt to hook up with the lead singer, Pat, but that's not gonna happen, I'm too fat right now. I've given up bread for Lent. It is a sacrifice I have made for Jesus.

Tomorrow: Gym: warm-up, weight lift, abs, run indoor track for 25 min, Elliptical for 20 min, stretch 10 min. Food: muesli breakfast, apple for lunch, yogurt snack, spaghetti squash for dinner. Study french and read bio. Oh and just to clarify, the picture I posted of the gym hottie is as legitimate as it gets. Those girls weren't some hired whores at a club. Our school had a sex-themed pub night. Great excuse to wear your underwear in public. I really wish I knew him...but as if he'd ever give me a change, let alone a glance. I'm not in his league, YET. I WILL be, very soon. I salivate every time I look at that photo, for Christ's sake...I couldn't stop grinning when I saw all your comments. Love you all. xo I hope everyone is doing well and staying positive!

A Deadline and Felice Fawn

That last post was about my agoraphobia. My social anxiety issues. I'm getting a therapist to help me deal with social situations/going outside, NOT to get rid of my ED issues. No. I need to get thin, first, haha. Key word: NEED. Like, I know for a fact that once I lose these shitty 10 lb, I will be confident again. Losing weight is the key to my happiness and my success. It works every time. It's the weekend, and I will not binge. Nope! I'll be controlled alllll weekend. Why? Because I have 4 weeks to lose 10 lb. I am DOING this. I'm treating this like a deadline, a project that cannot be late. I'm not a loser. I'm a winner. I fight for what I want.

I am envious and obsessing over Felice Fawn.

(Except I want nothing to do with Satanism.)

Life's What You Make It

Clubbing is stupid. Clubbing is stupid. I'm never going clubbing again. For the rest of my life. I knew it. I knew that it wouldn't be for me. I'm not that kind of person, UNLESS I have vodka. Motherfucking Jersey Shore-type of guy comes up and started grinding away, like fuuuuck, and my friend told me to just go along if that happens so I did for a while. And the whole time I felt so violated and dirty and...wrong [for me]. It was not my thing. After a couple minutes I stopped. After 30 minutes at the stupid club, I told my girls I was going to leave and that I can't stay unless I have the alcohol and they just stared at me like I was some sort of freak and I bolted. Pushing though hundreds of people. Running and slipping outside though the fresh 3 cm of snow, dashed into a cab to Union Station, missed the 10:20 bus by three minutes, caught the 11:20 bus, and day-dreamed until I got home at 1:20 AM. I know who I am and I'm happy to be me. I'm happy to be a loner rather than go clubbing.

I want to make my life feel the way I feel when I look at pictures/videos of Karlie Kloss. It's the last week of February and I'm making it count. Major restriction in effect for this whole week. It's reading week, so I have the week off school and I plan to "practice" starvation so that my body will be "used" to it by the time I go back. I've had 100 calories of yogurt and raspberries so far. Today, I am strong and will ignore hunger pangs. I have a goal in mind and I plan to accomplish it. I am going to turn heads. My life is centered around controlling what I eat and how I look. It is the root behind why I am the way I am and why I do the things I do. I am embracing it, "embracing ana" because it is my life and I have to fulfill a need. Therefore I cannot eat that junk. Today will be lovely, just like this whole week off.

I hope everyone is doing okay. xo

Lezzzzz Go Clubbin'

I'm going clubbing for the first time in my life. I am so scared I think I'm gonna shit my pants. I'm slightly underage (3 months away from being 19) but my friend's friend is a promoter so I'm getting in. I am so nervous, oh, my God. As fat as I've gotten, I managed to wear something that makes me look pretty and kinda slim. I'm so nervous, aahhhhh! Wish me luck. I'm not the partying type, and I should have declined the invitation, but I acted in the moment and it's too late to back out now. I'm driving everyone to the train station so if I wanna leave early (which I probably will), everyone's gonna have to leave with me, which I feel horrible about. And I am most likely going to be breaking my parents' 1 AM curfew. Jeeze. But I'll try to stay calm tonight. I'm growing. This is partof the process (I think).

I Am Not A Robot

As a girl who goes to the gym close to every single day, I see it all. I know the regulars, which trainers work when, specific routines people have... I see all sorts of people at the gym. And I analyze them. I'm not gonna go into details, but there's just this one thing I want to put out there. You get the overweight boys/men, who sweat for 5 minutes on the treadmill and spend 2 hours going from machine to machine every Monday; they walk out of the change rooms eating chocolate bars. Then you get the overweight girls who spend an hour dripping all over the elliptical twice a week, and walk out of the change rooms drinking Cokes. Here's where it gets good. Then you get these slim lovely girls running on the treadmill (at most three times/week), their perfectly ponytailed hair swishing from side to side. They're beautiful, pretty fit, and they have maintained this figure since September. Then you get girls like me. We hit the gym every single day, up to 10 hours per week, yet we manage to gain 12 lb between December and January. I make myself sick.

Like I said, I'm moving past the person I used to be. I'm making a commitment to controlling this. I control my body. Hunger does not control me. Food does not control me. Mind over matter. I am going to be everything I said I'd be this year. As ashamed as I am to admit it, I have a little agoraphobia going on. I don't know how to fix it and, yes, I'm afraid it'll ruin life for me, but all I really NEED to do right now is lose 15 lb. Let's just focus on one thing at a time. Maybe if I lose 15 lb, I'll be less afraid of leaving the house and being around people. Maybe that'll fix it.

Change

Things are getting better now that I've dropped calculus. The beauty of the world is starting to find its way back into my eyes. I feel better. About everything. Still fat, however. But that's changing. I want control over my body, again. I want to feel better in public. I want to be thin. That's all. I want to be boney. Skeletal. I want to float. Without calculus, I now have time to hit the gym every single day. This is so wonderful. But my main problem is over-eating when I come home in the evening. That won't happen tomorrow. It won't because I won't let it happen. I'm changing my life. I have no excuse. My goal was to lose 4 lb this week, but I'm changing it to 2 lb to be realistic.

This is happening. This is going to happen. I will reach 93 lb before I turn 19 on May 24, if it's the last thing I do. I am making this commitment, now. I don't need to eat. I was flipping through my journals today and I realized that I am nothing like the way I thought I'd be this year. Well, like I said, I'm changing my life. Eating makes me feel powerless and out of control. That's disgusting. Well, YOU KNOW what's going down tomorrow. Let's see how controlled I can be. Tomorrow: NO CARBS, NO FAT. I am so sore from all this working out. And ballet class was killer. But I have to fucking lose weight, I'm sick of feeling fat all the time.

Surreal

I can't begin to tell you how "surreal" I feel. I feel like I finally have an idea as to who I want to be as a person. I realize that I just hate eating. I hate the thought. I hate the feeling. And don't get me started the SOUND of eating. I prefer eating alone. That's probably because I feel ashamed to eat. Or it could be because eating is when I actually have time to sit quietly and sit about myself and my life. Today started off great. I got up hella early, 6:30 Am for my 8 AM economics test. After, I went to the gym for an hour. I went to the a campus cafeteria to get something because I had no food, and purchased a parfait. I took two bites and realized that I had no idea what the nutrition info was. I stopped eating and did some intense thinking. I pulled out my laptop and did some intense research. After about 20 minutes, I came to the conclusion that the parfait was not something I should be eating. It was probably full of sugar and fat (from the granola) and the yogurt probably wasn't non-fat. I threw it out.

I went to my psychology lecture and I knew we'd be learning about psychological disorders, but I didn't think the lecture would affect me as much as it did. He was talking about all these disorders. And he talked about eating disorders. And he made a speech about how people with eating disorders don't seek out help and don't want to get better because "ED is like their safety, it's what they know, it's their best friend, they like having that control..." I know it sounds silly, but I felt...exposed, upset. Even talking about the other disorders reminded me of my own. If you really examine about symptoms/signs, you will notice that eating disorders are, essentially, every psychological disorder (aside from schizophrenia) mashed into one poor human, with the addition of disordered eating. The signs of other disorders are just more discreet in ED individuals.

Anyway. I am at home. I'm going to relax, shut off my computer and all other electronics for the night and rest. My dad's birthday dinner is tonight. I got my period, I'm tired, moody, I have a headache, I'm hungry, my muscles are ACHING from all my exercise this week... I'll just fake smiles for dad. Oh, and I want to shout out to Amy, Harley, and Adeline. Thank-you so so much for nominating me for Honest Scrap. I'm gonna quote Adeline, here but, I love you all as much as I love anyone in real life.