Monday, November 21, 2011

I Don't Love You Like I Did Yesterday

I can't see myself having time to work out this week and that makes me sad.  It's just that I have two tests: Italian on Wednesday and Calculus on Friday.  I really want to do SUPER well on these tests.  I want to feel good about myself.  Classes end in exactly one week and I want to spend Christmas holidays getting into shape and feeling proud of myself, like I deserve a good time.  So I'll forfeit the exercise this week and just focus on my studies and eating healthy.  Once Friday comes around, I'll be in the gym almost every day!  I can't wait.  It's a sure bet because I'll be all done and caught up with school.  My goal is to be AT MOST 109 lb by Christmas.  That's 5 lb to lose.  Totally possible.
I got closure from M. On Friday, we did a Skype call and decided to go out and get McFlurries and meet back on Skype in 15 minutes. We did and it was so fun and so random! We talked on webcam for FIVE HOURS, until 3 AM. I was sneakily trying to get information out of her for my own benefit.  I got closure from her. I am okay with just being her friend. I am happy that she's got a gf now (even though I know M two-timed this poor girl with me). I no longer feel as though M and I have unfinished business. I am happy with our friendship. On Saturday, we were on Skype again and I helped her pick out an outfit for clubbing. (Fucking hell, she's so cute, I loved watching her try on different sweaters.) On Sunday, we Skyped AGAIN for 5 hours, just talking at first, then she watched Breaking Dawn online and gave me random commentaries on it while I studied Italian.


  1. Good luck with your tests! I did the same thing with giving up exercise for study, and it did help. I'm so glad you're feeling better about M. It's so great when two people can remain friends. :) <3

  2. good luck with your tests, i'm sure you'll reach your goal even without exercise til friday. and i sooo want to look like the girl in the picture! xo.

  3. It's totally okay that you didn't exercise for a couple of days, sometimes you have to set your priorities. And I'm sure you'll do great because you learned a lot. I am jealous....classes end ONE day before Christmas!!!
    I think it's only very rare that people remain friends after being very close and then breaking up, so you should consider yourself very lucky.

    I wish you good luck with your exams, and also loads of love, as always, honey.
    Thank you for supporting me that much, I just want you to know that I'll always do the same for you.

  4. The girl in the picture has the belly of my dreams, I totally get the test stuff btw. Good thing that you have everything so organized!!

    You got this girly <3

  5. I'm glad you now have closure :) Now you can properly move on :) Good luck with your exams!! Study study study!! xx

  6. Good luck on your exams! And a couple of days off will likely help your body heal and rock your next workout even harder :)

  7. I thought you were supposed to be getting better? Your therapist was right, school has only made you get back into your ED.

    However, I can't say this to you and be totally genuine, because I've had every type of ED possible.

    I'm 5'4" and used to be 91 lbs. Totally gorgeous. Blonde. Modeled.

    When I started college I lost everything ----> now I'm a whopping 120 lbs and completely fat and useless. I'm so ugly now.

    My ED never went away though. I started with anorexia, then went to college and obtained bulimia, and through all this bullshit purging on a daily basis and losing so much tooth enamel and money on food -----> I still gained weight.

    So now I not only am a fat pig, but am left with a totally useless ED that is only effective under certain conditions.

    But after reading your old posts, and compared it to now, you are definitely going back into your old habits. You were doing very well understanding that you needed to actually EAT to get better. Eating small but healthy portions will help you lose weight than eating nothing at all because of metabolic reasons. However, don't keep pushing it. Try to see yourself from an outside point of view, and understand that if you want to keep losing weight, don't become so obsessed you forget your goals of avoiding an ED.

    I wish I had known that college doesn't help it and to always remember that eating a little bit is better than eating nothing at all. because if you get to a point where you can't stand NOT eating but still do it anyway, with an obsession over weight so big you'll pick up bulimia.

  8. I hope you do wonderful on your tests!

    I hope you get to your goal weight and are happy with it but be careful and don't go to fast. I don't want to see you get hurt.

  9. 5 pounds is easy! i am trying to lose 5 by the next 3 weeks before i go back home to london

  10. Hey...I'm glad you feel better about the M situation. :)
    So, good luck on your exams.
    And I'm sure you can lose 5 lbs...just be careful. :)

    I haven't talked to you in quite some time.

  11. Good luck on your exams!! And i'm sure you can drop those 5 pounds easily. Stay lovely!!

  12. Hallöchen,
    ich wollte nur mal liebe Grüße hinterlassen und wünsche dir viel Erfolg mit deiner Seite.