Friday, December 2, 2011
Slump and Rant
I haven't been posting because I've been going through a slump. I'm sure we've all gone through one and we all know that they suck. Basically, I've been sitting around, doing nothing for the past week. Absolutely nothing. I was feeling guilty because I said I'd start my diet/workout routine this week, but I realized that I am going through a slump. Slumps pass and I need this week to relax. Sometimes we just NEED to sit around and do nothing. First semester is over and I could not be happier. Remember that I said I wanted to take last week to study and ACE my two tests? Well, I was full of shit. I barely studied. I think I failed my calculus test and maybe just passed my Italian test. This really sucks because now I have to work EXTRA hard in second semester. I'm on academic probation for Christ's sake, what the fuck is wrong with me!? I am going to use this month I have off to catch up with all my studying. I will go into second semester full of motivation and drive to do well. I will be the university student I have always wanted to be. I will be studious and I will always have time to work out. I am going to do this.
My home situation isn't looking very good right now. My parents are up my ass about everything. I am 19 years old and in university. They cannot keep treating me like I'm in high school. Every time they talk to me, they ask me about school and how much I'm studying. I acknowledge that I never study, but it is none of their business. It's none of their business if I'm up until 2 AM on the Internet. I wish they could just leave me alone to do my own thing. They also think I'm an alcoholic. And because of that, they have revoked my car privileges. I am only allowed the car to go to school and back. I cannot use the car to socialize. If I want to go out, I have to take the bus. The problem is I live too far to take the bus to where my friends are. It's such bullshit. And to top it all off, my curfew is 1:30 AM. What. The. Fuck. If I get to the club at 11, I'm not going to leave in 90 minutes to get home by 1:30! Complete bullshit. But I can't do anything about it because if I want to live under their roof I have to follow their rules. One night, they flat out told me that they're tired of having to deal with me and that I should just move out. I DO want to move out (BADLY), but I have no money and I've never had a job.
If my parents continue to attempt to control me like this, my ED will come back for sure. The differences between my parents and I are too great. This has been building up over the past few years and it's peaked now. I really do hate my parents. One day, I will leave them forever. The other day, I wanted to go to M's place to watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show with her. I told them I was already on campus, and asked if I could just go over to M's place, watch the show then come home. M lives 5 minutes from campus. My dad was like "NO, no car, you can come home and watch it, anyway we don't trust M, I had a bad dream about her so I don't trust her." WHAT. THE. ACTUAL. FUCK. He doesn't trust M because of a BAD DREAM?!?! I lost it at that point. I am done talking to them. I think they're full of shit. I think my mum suspects that me and M have a thing, so that's her reason for not wanting me to see her, but I AM FUCKING 19, you cannot tell me who I can and can't hang out with. UGH. I ended up hanging out with M most of the day anyway (behind their backs) and my mom bitched at me because I came home at 8:30, when I originally said I'd be home at 6:30, EVEN THOUGH I called and said I'd be late. I have to find a job. I'm nervous about getting one, but I have to do it. If any of you lovelies have any advice, feel free to share! End rant. I hope by Monday, my slump will be over and I can start losing weight again...
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I think it may be time to perhaps drop down the number of courses you are taking, finding a job, and moving out. My Dad and I fought a lot before I finally moved out of the house, though he never tried to not treat me like an adult. I always find it rediculous that parents can't see their kids as grown ups. My parents stopped acting like they could control me when I was 14, probably because they knew they raised me right and knew I had to make mistakes.
ReplyDeleteAlso if you drop the number of classes you take you can spend more time on each class and do better. I do that, as do a lot of my friends. It may take a bit longer to graduate, but you end up with a better overall GPA and are able to have a life outside of it all.
As for jobs, just treat any job seriously. I worked at Zellers my first year of university. Yeah the job itself sucked, but having a good attitude and being willing to help my coworkers made the days go by well, as we'd be laughing and I'd have people willingn to help me when I needed it. Now I work as a cashier, which is a bit lonely, but I generally don't even notice the customers and just try to keep a decent attitude, and when asked to do something else I jump at the change because it changes the routine. Sure some days are soul crushing, but remember you are also going to university so you don't have to work a crappy job for the rest of your life. Also standing up all day is a good workout, when I worked at Zellers and was running around all the time my legs looked awesome and toned.
Agreeed with above, maybe you should drop a couple of classes, it'll be less stress and you can concentrate more :) You'll come out of this slump soon, promise!! xx
ReplyDeleteWe all go through major slumps, unfortunately. I've been in a slump for what seems like forever. But we will get past it, all it takes is a little will power. We can motivate each other :)
ReplyDeleteAs far as work and your parents is concerned, I hated my parents until I was 20. I even quit talking to them for 6 months, but half of it was because I was a little shit. You want your parents respect and they still see you as a child. Sit down with them and calmly sort it out like adults and tell them that you are capable of living your own life without them hovering over you.
Getting a job will help garner their respect and they will probably give you some breathing room. When I was working and going to school at the same time, I found that my grades did better because I didn't have time to dick around. I had to get my shit together. You'll get there, and someday you and your parents will be alright. Don't be scared of opening a new door :)
I'm happy that you're motivate for your next semester and I het you passed your tests. :) don't worry about it! I'm glad that you're taking your slump time as a time to relax. :)
ReplyDeleteAs for your living situation I'm sorry to hear that its such a hassle. Mine is too. My mother is crazy and I think she's addicted to the computer and everything is just so stressful at my house. Her and I are completely different people and, even though I'm only 16, ill probably move out soon.
Finding a job isnt as hard as it sounds. There are lots of opportunities, and maybe some on campus...have you.checked?
Earning your own money feels incredible. A lot of campus jobs are designed to spend half your time sitting around, mostly studying.
ReplyDeleteYour parents sound a bit like mine, immature, stubborn, and overinvested in your role as their kid rather than a unique person. I'm sorry you have to put up with that nonsense. Angst doesn't automatically end when we turn 18, does it?
Once you get your first paycheck, open your own savings and checking account. Something your parents won't have their name on (and thus, access to). See if you can do direct deposit (your paycheck automatically desposited into the bank) and set up payment to different accounts for different responsibilities - one to save up for an apartment, one for school costs, one for any other bills you might have, and one account for an entertainment and miscellaneous budget. Sounds ridiculous, but it keeps me mindful without constant monitoring of earnings and expenses. And I never look at financial statements thinking I have a lot of cash to blow.
Buona fortuna, Miss Alisha. You have the drive if you find the discipline.
I'm sorry you're in a slump darling! I hope you cheer up soon! Parents like sticking their noses in your business as long as you're under their roof. It's unfortunate. Stay strong! xx
ReplyDeleteomggg I know what you mean - sub in the fact that i am now 21 and this woman I call mother still gets crazy pissed if i'm not indoors by 11!! I hate her and need to leave and ive been working for the past 7years- just dont know how to handle money :( I hope things work out for you though darling - i need to end this slump that has lasted months, get up off my ass and EXERCISE!! hope you do the same xxx
ReplyDeleteI can totally understand what you're saying, I am feeling the same way. It's like they don't treat you like a real person, but like a child. That makes you feel worthless and I can understand that you don't want to be controlled by them. I am sorry that you feel such a strong emotion as hate for them, that must not feel very good.
ReplyDeleteI don't really know about jobs in America. But in my country, students have many opportunities to earn their own money. I work at a newspaper, and basically, I am just promoting and asking people whether they want to buy the newspaper. But I get paid so well, it's really nice to earn that much money. Good luck with your job search!
Hang on honey, once you have money to take care for yourself, you'll not be controlled by anyone anymore. Loads of love,
Merely
I'm 19 too (and lol, you don't know me but I've been reading you blog bcause I think you're awesome).......... and I have a job at an Irish Pub. Before this I had never had a job before, so I was turned down at many of the places where I handed out applications n shit. Anyways, you need to handle out a shitload of applications. Especially at places where social skills and a smile's a must - places like pubs (nice ones of course), old folks homes (or whatever they're called), kindergardens and all that kind of places.
ReplyDeleteGood luck!
Miwok
You dont know who I am but I have been following your blog for a while and your just amazing. But heres my advice: You need to get a campus job, love. You meet lots of people that way. I suggest working at one of the bookstores cause those are the most fun. But I've been told that if you work at someplace like a smoothie shop you get so sick of the smells of it that you won't want to ever pick one up again. If I were you I'd first start by volunteering somewhere regularly so you make sure you can handle school and work. I personally spend all my time at a campus library to avoid time with the family.
ReplyDeletestay strong,
Natasha