Monday, December 5, 2011

Sappy Stuff and Slump Update

I am consumed by thoughts of her. M. I guess it's harder to move on if I'm such good friends with her. It's so dumb: I wait for her online for hours, even until 2 AM. But she doesn't come on. She has a girlfriend and is probably happy. With her. She's probably with her. At least she's happy. I hope the best for her. She deserves it. The truth is, I'd turn it all around for her. I wish I could tell her. For her, I'll always choose "accept." "Ignore" is only for the rest of them. We had our thing. We dealed. And she chose the other girl. I'll get through this. Her heart was just a mailbox and was wasting too much of my hard earned cash on stamps anyway.

I'm nervous to apply for jobs. I've never done it before and I have no experience to back me up. But I suppose I have to bite my lip and do it. I need to do this. It's necessary for my survival. This house is too depressing. My parents make me very angry. They make me depressed. Being depressed causes me to go into a slump and I never want to leave the room. That makes me fat. I still haven't exercised. It's been over two weeks since I exercised. Gross. My eating has been average. I swear I need to get out of this slump. It's time I did something about it MYSELF. I don't want to slip back into my dangerous ED habits, but I feel like my weight loss is the only thing I can control right now, it's the only thing that is MINE, that could make me HAPPY. So tomorrow, I'll try to be the healthiest I've been in two weeks by getting up early, eating every two hours (mostly fruits/vegetables), and doing a simple 30 minute exercise routine. The exercise won't be intense. Just something to get me back into the swing of things. It'll be exercises like jumping-jacks, push-ups, squats, lunges, and stretches.


  1. i'm sorry you arent feeling so good right now :/ your plan sounds like a great one though and i'm sure you'll get back on track soon! stay strong darling, xo.

  2. I think you'll feel better when your moving again. Jobs help you stay on your feet. And the best way to move on is by meeting people! Your on your way to getting back to happy. thinkpositive! :3

  3. December is our month remember?? These slumps suck, but only we can pull ourselves out of them. Finding a job will be good for you. It'll occupy your time, keeping your mind off M, and it'll be easier to exercise since you'll already be out and about. Don't give up on December, we have 25 days left of 2011!

  4. Hey hun, I just found your blog.
    I can relate to so much of it. I hope you get to feeling soon! I'll be following you from now on for sure!
    If you have the time, it would be great if you could follow me too.
    I definitely know what it feels that weight loss is the only thing that makes you happy. It's my world in a sentence right there.

  5. Lovely, channel your need for control and weight loss into good outlets like fitness and health. You're strong, you're on the right track!

    Don't give up. You got this!! xx

  6. Finding a job will be the net step in your life, but a good one :) Try not to think of M, don't give up hope xx

  7. Alisha it is actually amazing how much we have in common. I know exactly how you feel, from the job to the rents to working out. Also your help on the burn is amazing,, I was crying and reading your comment was such a relief. I am sooo self conscious,, it is insane!
    Take it easy with the working out, you don't want to push your self too hard right away and then procrastinate on working out again.
    Good luck with everything, and getting over M.
    p.s love the new layout

  8. I can totally relate to what you're saying. I have somewhat tried to communicate with my ex-boyfriend but it is so hard to be friends when you have once had something so big and beautiful. But I guess it'll get better as time passes. I hope it'll be the same with you and M. and that you will find someone else that will make you feel even better than she ever did.
    I am thinking of you, and I know you can do this and be healthy again. Lots of love and hugs and kisses,

  9. Don't think of M. Think positively of your weight loss and job applications. You got this <3

  10. ahh i can totally relate to the first part of your post. The first guy that broke my heart I dated when I was 17. He was 19, and the day I found out that one of my friends died I heard he was cheating/left me for a 14 year old girl. Being young and dumb I took him back and then he left me for somebody else and now he's engaged. It just takes time to get over somebody. hang in there girl you can do it <3