Weighed-in this morning at 104.7 pounds. Not bad. I'm impressed. 103.5, at most, this Friday? Here's hoping! This week has been good so far. Why? Because of my eating. My eating disorder, my dark passenger, consumes my life. Every aspect of my life relates to my ED. If I'm eating like shit, junk foods and crap, then I won't want to do anything. I won't feel motivated to study, read, go out, or even exercise. When I feel fat, I feel worthless, miserable, and...fat!But I've been doing so well, so I feel great! I'm doing my homework, studying daily (except dratted Chemistry...), reading, and I exercise whenever I can! I've been eating less than 500 cals per day, and I'm cutting down on fat intake. I need to find a way to resist snacking on almond butter...That's the only thing standing in my way.
I think once I reach 101 pounds, I will reward myself. If I am beautiful and feel beautiful, I need to do something beautiful for myself ! Maybe I'll buy myself some really cute clothes from H&M or Zara. Or maybe that lovely clutch from Guess. <3
It's honestly not even funny how much I despise my parents' presence. I really wish they would never come home. I like them much better at a distance, mentally and physically. I don't like them constantly asking me about things, watching what I eat, attempting to control my life. I think I will go to university downtown, University of Toronto. I need to get out of here, this home this town. I hope my parents will agree to this, maybe get me an apartment or pay for residence. They REALLY don't want me to go away for university. I think they just want to control me for as long as possible; they don't want to let me go. Even if I DON'T go away for school, I WILL NOT let them control me. I WILL NOT stand for it. I feel that if I stay here, I will not be able to grow as a person. I NEED to grow as a person. I need to explore myself, the world, I need to feel, feel new things, experience life like a normal university kid.
Control. This is my life. I chose it. I get to control it. In every aspect.
oh how i wish i were 104.7 i hope you get down to your goal weight =] and i kno wht you mean about getting out of your town and taking control of your life. i still have a year yet, but i want out. i want to take control of my life and got away to school. goodluck on trying to go away for school.
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