Let's Talk Sex (Possible TMI)

Ohhhh, boy. So on December 30, I partied HARD at my sister's sweet 16. I am not a party person, and I never willingly go to parties. Since I had to go to this party, I snuck in some vodka. I'll repeat: I partied HARD. Our friends and family were stunned to see me like that, but I continue to deny taking anything. Anyway, my very social sister has some hot guy friends. Under the influence I sorta might've touched some of them seductively. They're 16... I'm also about as horny as a teenage boy and I probably masturbate more. So I figure, hey, I really want sex and those 16 years olds would love to get with me, so I asked my sister to hook me up with the hottest one because I might wanna get laid this Friday. Fuuuuuuuck. He still has to ask his parents if he can go out...This is all too funny. So, my lovely readers, help? If this ends up going through, where should I take this guy [to hook up], what would you do, any advice? I'm still laughing about it... I'm thinking dark movie theater pre-sex then insanity in the back of my car.

In any case, I need to lose weight for Friday. Today was the shittiest day of 2011 because I thought I'd be smart with myself and not eat for over 5 hours, EVEN THOUGH I said to eat every 2 hours. You can imagine what happened when I came home after 6 hours of starving. Exactly. Don't wanna get into it, though not too big of a deal. If I play my cards right I can lose at least 2 lb by Friday. Not thin enough, but for a desperate boy, I think it's fine. Moral of today: eat every 2 hours. Trick your body into thinking it's getting enough calories.

Gym Hottie!

S-exellent. Went to the gym. 50 minute Pilates class. 30 minutes running 60 second intervals around track. 10 minutes rowing machine. 10 minutes weights. 10 minutes stretching. Abundance of hotties in the gym. And. While I was on the rowing machine upstairs, admiring all the cuties below me, who shows up at the leg press (which I have a clear view of)? Gym Hottie. Fucking sexy as ever. That hair. Those eyes. That body. Hot damn. So he's there, setting the MAN leg press up with plates, GOD he's so hot, and I'm watching, what a cute bum, and he starts chilling on the machine (I don't know why boys like to relax on machines for the longest time before they start...). And I'm still staring, then he looks up, my way, and I quickly turn my head. But he knew. I continued my gaze and I could tell he knew I was still watching. Ugh. So hot.

I went to the library intending to do 4 hours of calculus. Out of my 4 hours at the lib, 2 hours were spend thinking about The Gym Hottie, doing that^ with me. And other things. With his mouth. All over my chest. Down my abdomen. Of course, in my dreams I was much skinnier and my tummy was concave. I'm eating better. A lot better. I can't seem to think of anything else better than being double digits for Christmas. So I stop eating. I want him to notice me...No one will notice me if I stay this average-looking...MUST BE SKIN AND BONES! Annnnd, as promised...here's him:

Aw, I don't know why it's so small. Anyway, you probably don't need me to tell you, but he's second from the left. Yellow. It's so funny, the comments on this picture from his GUY friends are like "OF COURSE YOU'VE got your movie star smile as always and the rest of us look totally out of it."

Another!

Front row, second from left. APPARENTLY he's on the Boys volleyball team. That pic was taken at the game LAST NIGHT. If I'd KNOWN he was on the team I would have gone! I bet he looked so cute jumping around, spiking the ball...! The only reason I didn't go, in the first place was because the advertisement was big on "FREE PIZZA." Before I end this, a word of advice: Be weary, people you don't know are stalking you on Facebook and posting your picture on anonymous blogs. I would know, haha.

What A Beaut

Going crazy. That's what a 2500 calorie binge will do to you. Stomach so full I could barely walk back to my room, without hunching over. But I've read all your blogs and I am so thinspired. You girls don't want to know how much weight I've gained this week. I'm nervous to go to the gym tomorrow. The thing is, I've gained so much that going to the gym tomorrow will barely make a dent. But I have to stay strong and patient. Results will come. I am strong and patient. I am no longer going to feel sorry for myself. I am no longer going to give in to temptation and desires to binge. That's not what life is about. Life is about winning. I'm not a loser. I'm not going to settle for fat. Ugh. I'll be a beauty.

I'm gonna be a beauty by Christmas. Apparently there are only 40 days left until Christmas. Did you know I could have been less than 100 lb by now? But I kept fucking up. Not anymore. I am DOING THIS. I'm going to be skinny. Tiny. Adorable. Graceful. None of this disgraceful hunching over because of a full stomach.

Oh. Uh, would any of you be interested in seeing a picture of the Gym Hottie? After 2 months of searching and digging around, I finally found his facebook profile. Haha. Posting his pic here is probably the creepiest thing I could do, but whatever, he doesn't know me, you girls don't know him, so who cares! He's so hot...Too bad he has noo clue who I am. Or not, haha. I start salivating looking at his pictures, like wtf. Ohhhh, life, isn't it grand...!?

MOD

Today is going to be a good day. I can feel it. Gonna be SHUT UP in my room ALL DAY syudying for my Psychology test which is on Monday. I am planning on eating non-fat yogurt today. That's it. No other foods. I mean, no other food is acceptable. I hope like hell, my parents go out tonight. I itch with excitement at the thought of losing weight. A major problem with me is that when I study for too long, my mind wanders. Not to thoughts of food, it's always to thoughts about sex. It gets to a point where I can't stop thinking about having hot sex with the gym hottie, and I'm not studying anymore. So that's when I take a break. Taking a break is good. Today, my breaks will occur every 2 hours and will consist of eating the non-fat yogurt and/or journaling. I've planned everything out. Everything goes so much smoother when I plan it out. And I end up much more successful.

My jeans are getting wayy too lose. It's brutally annoying trying to pick out something in the morning. So I bought a belt yesterday. I hate wearing belts. But I don't want to spend all that money to buy new jeans. Although, I could use ONE new pair of skinny jeans. Yeah!, I think I deserve a new pair. There's a pair of jeans that I have not worn once in my closet that I bought in September. On account of I have lost a crap load of weight since then, those jeans are now too big. I feel stupid having spent the money on those jeans, it might be too late to exchange/return then, I don't know. I'm gonna try anyway. :D With a new skinny body in the works, I need to start buying cuter prettier clothes and start looking pretty and fashionable. Very Model-Off-Duty kind.

Thanks for all your lovely comments on the last post! I'm really motivated. I just want all of you to stay strong, never give up, and NEVER procrastinate. xo

Thoughts

I am currently craving GOURMET macaroni and cheese with bacon and a wrap filled with salty deli meats. Clearly, I have a carb and salt craving. My mom's going away for the weekend and she's made meals for the family, but I think I'm gonna ask my sister if she wants to make that mac and cheese on Saturday night. If she doesn't, I won't have it. If she does, I'll have it, but just to try. One bite usually satisfies a craving for me. It's been 4 years since I've had mac 'n cheese. Anyway, these cravings are bad because they're all I can think about and I have a HUGE economics test tomorrow. It's like this: "Okay, so the price elasticity of demand will increase if the price of...salty deli ham on a whole wheat wrap lathered with butter and melted cheese..." That's what the past 2 hours have been like for me.

I am currently looking very skinny. Worked out 2 hours yesterday and 90 minutes today. Two days of being back on track is all it takes...I saw my eye candy at the gym today. He's just this boy I noticed during orientation week. He's like Josh Hartnett plus Torrance Coombs plus a giant surge of HOTNESS. I have calculus with him and I always make sure I get a view of him, and he's so fucking hot, and every time I see him, I imagine fucking him, hot and steamy, in his dorm room. MOVING ON. I saw him at the gym, so hot goddam, and he saw me, and he's so hot, oh baby. I forget where I was going with this. Hahahahahaha...