Friday, March 4, 2011
Apology to Myself
I'm sorry that I am so weak. I'm sorry that I cannot fix this. I'm sorry I let things get out of hand. I'm sorry I didn't use the mind I had. I'm sorry that I am now losing my mind. I'm sorry that you probably won't make it. I'm sorry you are getting scared of everything. I'm sorry you were pushed around as a kid and I'm sorry that the repressed emotions are surfacing. I feel so sorry for you. You can't even defend yourself anymore. What started out as a quest for ultimate strength is now a struggle to get out of bed in the morning. I'm sorry you have battles in your mind about whether you should go to class where people can see you. I'm sorry you can't leave home most of the time. I'm sorry that you are afraid to speak to people, ask for help, inquire about services, say hello...I'm sorry you are emotionally eating. I'm sorry you feel so empty. I'm sorry you have no friends. I wish I could fix this. But I've tried. And tried. And I clearly can't fix it. It's over. I don't know what else to do. I think it's time you got some professional help. This can't end in tragedy. You had dreams. Get this fixed.
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I want you to know Alisha that if you want help, you should get it. I also want you to know that anything, and I mean ANYTHING you decide to do, I will be here if and when you need me. You can leave me a comment or you can email me and you can tell me anything you want and I will never judge you, I will help if I can and if I can't I will listen, (read) I will do anything I can, what ever way you decide to go.
ReplyDeleteYou should get help, especially if you are telling yourself that you should, I think that means you really need it.
I will always be here for you. I mean that with the whole of my heart.
I love you so much, you really have a special place in my heart.
You are stronger than you think -
YOU CAN DO ANYTHING YOU WANT TO DO!
x
Plus Et On Vous,
ReplyDeletethat was my schools motto, there is more in you,
I had a comment on one of my blogs telling me to be stronger and not eat (when I was on a binge bender), thats not what anyone needs here, what you and I, and everyone else looking and reading, need is support, and I am here to give it to you, just like racheal above.
xxx
i say stay strong, but not as an eating thing, i say it as an emotional support, i urge you not to hate yourself, or think bad, we all slip up and we can all fix, simple beauty of the human soul
xxx
We will always support you darling girl.
ReplyDeleteI know the feeling you've described here, the lack of energy, the emotionless staring, the staying in bed, the never satisfied. If you notice the want for help in addition to this awful daze, we will still support you.
Stay strong, and remember that sometimes being strong doesn't mean "don't eat". I am sending you so many positive vibes to you right now, I hope you're safe.
It's me, Ashley Becker, considerinsanity (used to be believe in 0 before my best friend found my Tumblr.) I love you, I miss sort of talking to you, I loved when you checked in on me. I wish I could help you. I emailed you about two weeks ago. I hope you see this, I hope you got my email. Please email me back, you can do this.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry as well and I think seeking help is a great step. Additionally, I am definitely available if you ever want to talk. I will certainly give you my email or skype or anything you need.
ReplyDeleteWe are all here for you. You are stronger than you know. We believe in you :)
ReplyDeleteYou are not weak, you are stronger than you realize. You can fix things. You are going to make it. You can defend yourself because you are strong. Your quest can still be about finding ultimate strength and happiness. I wish you the best of luck in seeking help and I hope everything works out for the best. ♥
ReplyDeleteI feel the same way. We should each go and talk to someone. Seriously. Stop letting our fears rule us.
ReplyDelete