I just want to spend the rest of my life being independent, in control, and doing what I love. I mean, I'm such a city girl. A hipster, if you will. I can't wait until my passion becomes a reality. I'm barely eating these days and I'm getting smaller and my muscles are constantly on fire. I feel as though I have tarnished my "credibility" as a "self-sufficient" girl by telling my parents my problems and asking for a therapist. But, I'm sure therapy will help me in the long run. I am becoming a better person. I am starting to let myself go out more. I am observing people. The other day, a girl I knew from high school invited me to go to the library with her, where I noticed how
so many different people would come up to her/us and say hi and make conversation! It was amazing! My interest in social psychology was bursting and I was in awe of the fact that...friendships exist! I was amazed that people have personalities and they talk and they help each other out and they comment on each other's "pretty eyes" and six degrees of separation is a true fact!
Anyway, I was thinking that I could stay like this forever. Eating less than 500 calories a day, with maybe one cheat day, and running all the time and being busy instead of eating...I mean, there are mountains of things to do other than eat! According to my calculations, I should be 103 lb by April 1. Right on schedule. I can't believe I've beaten the binge. I've come so far. Less than two more weeks of classes, then I'm DONE (except exams). I can't wait for summer and to be back in the 100 lb zone and wearing cute clothes and being tiny and not having to wear a jacket...and being satisfied.
You don't lose any credibility by going to therapy. It just proves that you're willing to do what it takes to take care of yourself. Stay strong <3
ReplyDeleteAh, the beautiful life when we're in control :) Spring awakening is in the air. ♥
ReplyDeletexo
Victoria
Nice job on putting yourself out there, at the library & in therapy. You can do this, people are meant to communicate. I'm just learning how important it is to let things go, to reveal yourself to others. It is a healthy & wonderful thing to do. :)
ReplyDeleteJealous<3
ReplyDeletewell done :) very jealous x
ReplyDeleteYou write such intriguing posts!
ReplyDeleteYou're such an inspiration too.
Stay Lovely darling :)
Xx. Lillie
You're always so motivated and focus, and half the time I feel you're taking the words right out of my mouth. You're doding amazing and 103lbs is weight to be jealous of <3 :)
ReplyDeleteI'm glad your becoming outgoing =) I know how it can feel to be hiding in your own little world, while desperately wanting to be part of something bigger. Don't shelter up keep pursuing that human interaction!
ReplyDeleteI can't wait to wear cute clothes, too <3
ReplyDelete