As a girl who goes to the gym close to every single day, I see it all. I know the regulars, which trainers work when, specific routines people have... I see all sorts of people at the gym. And I analyze them. I'm not gonna go into details, but there's just this one thing I want to put out there. You get the overweight boys/men, who sweat for 5 minutes on the treadmill and spend 2 hours going from machine to machine every Monday; they walk out of the change rooms eating chocolate bars. Then you get the overweight girls who spend an hour dripping all over the elliptical twice a week, and walk out of the change rooms drinking Cokes. Here's where it gets good. Then you get these slim lovely girls running on the treadmill (at most three times/week), their perfectly ponytailed hair swishing from side to side. They're beautiful, pretty fit, and they have maintained this figure since September. Then you get girls like me. We hit the gym every single day, up to 10 hours per week, yet we manage to gain 12 lb between December and January. I make myself sick.
Like I said, I'm moving past the person I used to be. I'm making a commitment to controlling this. I control my body. Hunger does not control me. Food does not control me. Mind over matter. I am going to be everything I said I'd be this year. As ashamed as I am to admit it, I have a little agoraphobia going on. I don't know how to fix it and, yes, I'm afraid it'll ruin life for me, but all I really NEED to do right now is lose 15 lb. Let's just focus on one thing at a time. Maybe if I lose 15 lb, I'll be less afraid of leaving the house and being around people. Maybe that'll fix it.
I am right there with you! I've been trying to go to the gym more but I don't lose much at all. I laugh to myself about those people who think they can go workout for like 15 minutes and expect to lose weight- but then there's the skinny girls with the perfect bodies who make me feel like a giant cow ><. But that's great you're not the person you used to be- or you are working on getting there! Even though it may not seem like you're making much progress now, ever step you make and every pounds lost is one step closer to who you want to be!
ReplyDeleteFood doesn't control you and hunger doesn't control you- nothing and no one can control you- you and only you have the control.
♥
i hate those skinny ponytail types!!! they look like it comes so effortlessly to them. i always think that the trainers are looking at me and thinking "why does she keep coming? it's obviously not working". but you know we have to push past those thoughts and know that if we persevere, we will get our way. x
ReplyDeleteI love going to places like that and people-watching. You can spot the regulars and all different types of people. I feel like grocery stores are really interesting too.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry to hear you're feeling stuck and afraid to go out, but weight loss or not, I hope you find some joy.
Right there with ya girl. Let's do this.
ReplyDeleteI have been on and off the agoraphobia thing as well. It's really hard to get things done when your afraid to leave your room.
ReplyDeleteWe will become what we want this year. For sure.
Sometimes I'd like to think I could be that beautiful girl bounitfully running on the treadmill 3 times a week. But in reality I'm the girl with dark circles under her eyes, sweating buckets, and getting as many minutes in on the treadmill as possible all while looking my worst.
ReplyDeletexo Chloe
God I know, I want to be one of those perfect skinny girls so badly. I'm the girl who burns too many and looks sad. Sending you skinnies darling, be strong!
ReplyDeleteI know exactly what you mean with the gym. I love people watching when I'm there, seeing all the characters and so on. Stay strong, and I mean it :) xx
ReplyDeleteYour posts always inspire me. Thank you so much. Let's work hard :)
ReplyDeletehey babe. I totally know what you mean. The maintenance guy at the gym where i used to live knew my name. It's kind of comical.
ReplyDeleteIn terms of your agoraphobia, try to embrace it. I am always saying, "When I lose 5 lbs/ go on acutane/ etc things will be better." If I gain anything from this, it will be the ever-present belief that the future will be better. We may be silly to equate weight with happiness or beauty with bravery. However, I believe that whatever gives us hope is worth clinging to for now. So cling to your desperation, sadness, determination, isolation, embarrassment. Things can only go up. Love you pretty girl.
Another one here who knows exactly what you mean!
ReplyDeleteI wish I could be one of those girls...
those skinny girls with the ponytail, with the skin tight running clothes, I go five time a week and have only lost three pounds...
Oh my gosh I love you! I freaking analyze everyone at the gym too, I'm now a constant regular since I got my membership and theres this one pony tailed women who's my inspiration.. she puts the treadmill at an incline of 12 and power walks at 4.7mph and her shoulders are tiny and perfect, Lifeee.
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