Clubbing is stupid. Clubbing is stupid. I'm never going clubbing again. For the rest of my life. I knew it. I knew that it wouldn't be for me. I'm not that kind of person, UNLESS I have vodka. Motherfucking Jersey Shore-type of guy comes up and started grinding away, like fuuuuck, and my friend told me to just go along if that happens so I did for a while. And the whole time I felt so violated and dirty and...
wrong [for me]. It was not my thing. After a couple minutes I stopped. After 30 minutes at the stupid club, I told my girls I was going to leave and that I can't stay unless I have the alcohol and they just stared at me like I was some sort of freak and I bolted. Pushing though hundreds of people. Running and slipping outside though the fresh 3 cm of snow, dashed into a cab to Union Station, missed the 10:20 bus by three minutes, caught the 11:20 bus, and day-dreamed until I got home at 1:20 AM. I know who I am and I'm happy to be me. I'm happy to be a loner rather than go clubbing.
I want to make my life feel the way I feel when I look at pictures/videos of Karlie Kloss. It's the last week of February and I'm making it count. Major restriction in effect for this whole week. It's reading week, so I have the week off school and I plan to "practice" starvation so that my body will be "used" to it by the time I go back. I've had 100 calories of yogurt and raspberries so far. Today, I am strong and will ignore hunger pangs. I have a goal in mind and I plan to accomplish it. I am going to turn heads. My life is centered around controlling what I eat and how I look. It is the root behind why I am the way I am and why I do the things I do. I am embracing it, "embracing ana" because it is my life and I have to fulfill a need. Therefore I cannot eat that junk. Today will be lovely, just like this whole week off.
I hope everyone is doing okay. xo
You will feel so lovely and thin, just like roll on the floor and see how flat your tummy gets. Sometimes I do that, or like bend over the bed so that it disappears. Good head rush too. For hunger pangs, I drink lots of tea and coffee and if you don't want a ton of calories in juice, add like an oz of it to a large water bottle. Helps. Sending you skinnies darling!
ReplyDeleteI'm a loner too, so join the club =). I would much prefer staying home to myself than going out partying. At least you tried clubbing and you now know what it's like. You're going to be able to get your eating under control- practice makes perfect, right? =) Hope you enjoy your week off! (Spring break, it it? I don't get mine until March ><)
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clubbing isn't for everyone. I'm with you in the loner category. who says books can't be fun too? ;)I'm wishing you the best of luck in your endeavors!
ReplyDeletenot everyone warms to clubbing. i like it a lot once in a while but sometimes i just can't be bothered going out. well, not sometimes, most of the time :) good luck practicing starving xx
ReplyDeleteI forgot that in America, clubbing is pretty much just guys grinding girls constantly - even strangers. Weird!
ReplyDeleteCome to the UK and visit me - we'll go dancing all night! No creeps. And I will ply you with vodka, because it's legal here ha, and we'll stay up til dawn.
And of course, we will be dramatically thin and beautiful and we will shine like stars...
One day <3
Thank you for your comment! I have missed you too, I really have. I know, I feel really bad - Like when we 'met' and for a while after I think we had got quite close, then I went and fucked that by leaving - I'm sorry.
ReplyDeleteI really hope we can get that back? It really meant a lot to me. You really mean a lot to me.
X
I think you just described my EXACT experiance of going to my first frat party. *shivers*
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