Things are getting better now that I've dropped calculus. The beauty of the world is starting to find its way back into my eyes. I feel better. About everything. Still fat, however. But that's changing. I want control over my body, again. I want to feel better in public. I want to be thin. That's all. I want to be boney. Skeletal. I want to float. Without calculus, I now have time to hit the gym every single day. This is so wonderful. But my main problem is over-eating when I come home in the evening. That won't happen tomorrow. It won't because I won't
let it happen. I'm changing my life. I have no excuse. My goal was to lose 4 lb this week, but I'm changing it to 2 lb to be realistic.
This is happening. This is going to happen. I will reach 93 lb before I turn 19 on May 24, if it's the last thing I do. I am making this commitment, now. I don't need to eat. I was flipping through my journals today and I realized that I am nothing like the way I thought I'd be this year. Well, like I said, I'm changing my life. Eating makes me feel powerless and out of control. That's disgusting. Well, YOU KNOW what's going down tomorrow. Let's see how controlled I can be. Tomorrow: NO CARBS, NO FAT. I am so sore from all this working out. And ballet class was killer. But I have to fucking lose weight, I'm sick of feeling fat all the time.
Your birthday is a day before mine. I want to reach my goal by my bday too!!! Good luck!
ReplyDeleteI'm a ballet dancer too! I love your blog and I really want to start one too but im TERRIFIED im going to get caught:\
ReplyDeleteWoot woo, you can totally do this by your b-day! I am totally with you on the snacking at night thing too. When I'm alone during the day it's all good, but its 10pm, and here I am, munching on choco. Dammit. I am sending you skinnies dear.
ReplyDeleteI'm deciding on no carbs, no dairy! good luck to both of us. We can totally do this. I'm glad you are feeling better without calculus. It is always important to make room to see the beauty in life.
ReplyDeleteyou're a strong girl and you can make it happen. stay strong beautiful x
ReplyDeleteYou sound so determined- that's awesome! You can definitely hit 2 lbs a week! Overeating in the evening is really common, especially after exercise because it seems like exercise can make you hungry. You can find some really filling foods that are low in calories (like soupd and salads)! You have the power to change your life and you can do it!
ReplyDelete♥
You go girl!~ you can so do this
ReplyDeleteYour motivation is inspiring. Stay strong, you really are amazing.
ReplyDeleteI overeat at night too. :/ Before I even take off my coat, sometimes I eat a ton of vegetables so the temptation to overeat dwindles.
Argh, I am going to do all these to make myself thin too.
ReplyDeleteI can't stand the fact that I look fat in front of the camera everytime, when I see other skinnies in town all the time too :(
You're so self-motivated I love it! :)
ReplyDeleteYou're one of the strongest girls I know on here and you're so inspiring <3