I went to my psychology lecture and I knew we'd be learning about psychological disorders, but I didn't think the lecture would affect me as much as it did. He was talking about all these disorders. And he talked about eating disorders. And he made a speech about how people with eating disorders don't seek out help and don't want to get better because "ED is like their safety, it's what they know, it's their best friend, they like having that control..." I know it sounds silly, but I felt...exposed, upset. Even talking about the other disorders reminded me of my own. If you really examine about symptoms/signs, you will notice that eating disorders are, essentially, every psychological disorder (aside from schizophrenia) mashed into one poor human, with the addition of disordered eating. The signs of other disorders are just more discreet in ED individuals.
Anyway. I am at home. I'm going to relax, shut off my computer and all other electronics for the night and rest. My dad's birthday dinner is tonight. I got my period, I'm tired, moody, I have a headache, I'm hungry, my muscles are ACHING from all my exercise this week... I'll just fake smiles for dad. Oh, and I want to shout out to Amy, Harley, and Adeline. Thank-you so so much for nominating me for Honest Scrap. I'm gonna quote Adeline, here but, I love you all as much as I love anyone in real life.
I also can't bring myself to eat in public. I hate eating in class or the library or any other place where it's not totally appropriate to eat. I only eat in my room or a restaurant if I have to go to dinner with friends b/c I'm feeling sad and anti-social.
ReplyDeleteTry to have fun tonight with your Dad and family!
people talking about eating disorders makes me uncomfortable too, and I don't think I even have one. It's like suddenly everyone in the room can hear your thoughts.
ReplyDeletegood luck with family dinner!
I totally understand the "every psychological disorder meshed into one." Honestly, that's how I feel every day.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, your pictures are always so amazing :)
"Surreal" is such an awesome word...I really like it. My uni sales parfaits and I've always wanted to try one, but now that you've mentioned lots of fat and sugar, I think I'll second guess eating one. I really loved what you said about your psychology class (I honestly thought about psychology for a major but ended up choosing something different). I hated it when the professor would taking about eating disorders. Like you said, it makes you feel "exposed," like theirs a flashing arrow above your head that everyone can see. It's true, a lot of people view their ED as their friend, someone that knows them better than anyone else. I think that's interesting how an ED is the one psychological disorder that.s a sum of almost every other psychological disorder. With other disorders, it can be obvious that a person is suffering with something. But with an ED, a lot of times you never know, especially if the person dealing with it isn't severely underweight.
ReplyDelete♥
I had an issue like that in health class, we touched on eating disorders, I didn't want to go to school for awhile after that because I felt sure they would notice signs in me. But like Ariana said, if you're not VERY underweight, or you don't drop 20 pounds a week, no one really.. notices.. they're looking for super super skinny, like it will happen over night just because you got the disorder
ReplyDeletei also find that - when eating disorders come up in conversation with anyone i always feel uncomfortable...and because it's usually in a negative light i feel stupid and bad, like i'm betraying my true self by bad-mouthing EDs.
ReplyDeletelove you so much hun. stay strong xx
I get that super uncomfortable feeling in psych too sometimes. I don't necesarily have one either, although I have issues with food. But I feel exposed, almost like people will start pointing and be like, "hey, you. Freaking eat cake, or we'll say you have a disorder" Sigh.
ReplyDeleteSending you skinnies darling, rest and stay strong!
I completely understand about the disorders lecture. This year in pathophysiology we went through them in a lot of detail and it does feel kind of uncomfortable.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I'm following you with my new account now.
I'm embarrassed to eat in public as well. Even though it is totally normal, I just feel like such a pig, like everyone's looking at me and thinking, "no wonder she has the body she has."
ReplyDeleteI hope you can have a good night with your dad and family.
Take care. :)
Oh, thank you for the shout out :')
ReplyDeleteYou are one of the strongest people I know, ok? You have to know how strong you are. You are an inspiration. Please be ok.
Also when I changed my URL and you can't see my updates, if you unfollow me and re-follow me that should help.
Keep it up hun <3 xxx