Push-ups are becoming a very important part of my day. Today I did 81. Being away from home, I'll be able to stick to my meal plan. I'll be able to focus. I'll be able to get into the "habit" of restricting. That way I'll be stronger when I'm at home, unable to go to the lib. I need to be a fucking genius. I need to be skinny. I need to be perfect. That's what I need. I have 6 lb to lose in 18 days. I'm slowly getting frustrated and discouraged. But not completely, because I KNOW that I'm 100% capable of losing 4 lb in a week. It's happened on more than one occasion.
Fucking dad has just informed me that tomorrow he's taking my car to get snow tires put on. So I won't have the car. Great. Fucking great. Mom can drop me off, but that's highly inconvenient because I won't have a place to dump my gym bag after I work out. I could start my action plan on Wednesday... Bloody fuck, I want action NOW! I'm sorry about my language. On a different note, I wish I had money so I could move out of my parents house. If I'd known that I'd grow up to hate this place so much, I'd have gotten a summer job all those years ago. But I've never had a job, and I can't get a job now because being a student my full time job. ... Christ, I guess I'll start the plan on Wednesday and pretend that my room the the lib tomorrow. Wish me luck!
I'll be that tiny^. Soon. Less than 18 days. You'll see. Everyone will see. Gym Hottie will see. Hahahaha, yeah right...
i know how that feels, not trusting yourself... i used to even lock myself in my room and refuse to come out because i knew id go to the kitchen. it gets easier to resist.
ReplyDeleteyou did 81 press ups?! wow. that is so amazing!!
all my love,
Bella
Hey. It sounds like you're having a hard time not bingeing on bread. That sucks. I'm sorry. For me, I just don't let myself leave my room when there's a chance I might binge. Literally, if I switch rooms there's a good chance my mindset will change and I'll binge. I hate bingeing. I mean, I love it but after I just want to kick myself.
ReplyDeleteHow is everything else? I read your willpower poem and made a computer desktop background from it. Email me and I'll send it to you. Mine's npatterson333@yahoo.com
Stay strong! You can make 6lbs in 18 days. I know you can.
wednesday feels like its going to take forever to come but i know you won't forget the feeling you had today! you WILL lose those 6 lbs by xmas!! i can't wait for you to get that tiny ;) (although you really are quite small already! <3)
ReplyDeletewith all those push-ups you will have the most beautiful arms ever! i know how you feel about being at home. at night when i'm really hungry and watching tv the kitchen is right there and it's so tempting to get up and go for it. i'll be sitting there going over it in my mind and literally thinking "to binge or not to binge?". i have to force myself to go downstairs, lock myself in my room and sleep. it's all about building the control hun. you can do it
ReplyDeletexx
You can lose that weight easy in one week hun :) good luck xxx
ReplyDeletedon't lose faith in yourself. don't feel discouraged! just keep telling yourself you can do it. doubting yourself isn't going to help you at all dear! and my god, i can't even do 20 push-ups! you're going to have an amazing core. :)
ReplyDeleteHi! I'm a 14 year old who read your blog. Just want to ask, how long have you been taking ballet? I do not take it, but I think it will be nice to do ballet as there is lots of benefits. Just I hope its not too late
ReplyDeleteDon't be so hard on yourself! Your doing great!! Keep going xx
ReplyDeleteI dont think you did that bad, don't worry, one mistake shouldn't bring you down. Have confidence that you can do this.
ReplyDeleteGood job, working out always helps. Thanks for commenting and being so supportive
Pce, Nate