I Wanna Be Weightless

It's 12:15 PM, and I decided to write here just to "set the stage" for the rest of the day. The mere thought of eating has started to freak me out. I think about it, but then I think of how fat I am and how I don't need to get fatter. And I have so much studying to do today, I simply don't have time to sit down and eat. My parents are going to be gone all day. I've had my muesli with yogurt and raspberries (150 cals). Later I'll have a rice cake (40 cals), then I've have some fruit like blackberries (50 cals). For dinner, my parents will be home and they're barbecuing chicken, so I'll have half a chicken breast (140 cals) and arugula with italian dressing (30 cals) . I honestly don't want to eat much, the thought just sickens me. It's so lovely to think about how thin I'll be if I keep this up. I can't wait.

I got a calculus tutor. She got me through high school physics, chemistry, and calculus. She's in her first year of pharmacy school. I spent 3 hours with her yesterday. In those 3 hours, I caught up on 6 hours worth of classes. Incredible. I have a fighting change to pass this course! I'm not as stressed, I have this under my belt, I can breath! I just have to keep doing the practice now, and I'll meet with her next Saturday. Things will be the way they were in November. I will be just as focused. Just as thin. I remember when I'd shower after using the gym, looking down at my side and seeing how thin and flat I was: I could slip though a crack in the floor. Things are going to get better. I can feel it.

If I could just find the time, then I would never let another day go by.

I'm over getting old.

Maybe it's not my weekend, but it's gonna be my year.

And I'm so sick of watching while the minutes pass as I go nowhere.

And this is my reaction to everything I fear.

'Cause I've been going crazy, I don't want to waste another minute here. -ATL