Thursday, January 6, 2011

Fight It

I'm sick. Greeeaaat. My eyes won't stop watering. My nose is stuffed. My throat is swollen...This sucks. I can't concentrate on anything. This week has been so exhausting. I can't wait for the weekend. Something's happening to me. I can't shake it, but I have to figure it out. Things are keeping me up at night. Things are frightening me. Things are overwhelming. Sometimes I think of killing myself. But that's why I turn to weight loss. When I lose weight, when I control my intake and my body, I feel at peace. I feel happy. I feel like I can accomplish anything. The "fuck it" attitude (which often leads to binges) is the worst possible attitude to have. I have to remember that my entire life revolves around my body image. This is who I am. Without ED, I'm nothing. I have to lose weight, I have to! I gained 6 lb over Christmas. There. I said it. I'm a fighter, though. I'm going to fight everything. I'm going to WIN. I'm going to lose weight, consistently. This is the year I reach my ultimate goal weight of 93 lb.
And thanks, girls, for the advice on the boy! I'll keep you updated!
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11 comments:

  1. AnonymousJanuary 6, 2011 at 2:28 PM

    I gained over Christmas, too. It's okay. I believe almost all of us did. I admire your determination! You can do it. :))

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  2. AnonymousJanuary 6, 2011 at 2:55 PM

    It's almost impossible not to gain over Christmas, don't beat yourself up over it

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  3. amyJanuary 6, 2011 at 3:03 PM

    you ARE a fighter and you will achieve your dreams! just believe and work hard and you'll definitely see 93lbs on the scale this year. don't worry about the xmas weight - it will come off in no time
    stay strong hunx

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  4. noneJanuary 6, 2011 at 3:46 PM

    i'm sick too:/ it sux

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  5. robyngabrielleJanuary 6, 2011 at 4:28 PM

    Darling, I'm so sorry I haven't been commenting! You are the strongest lady around - believe it! You are a fighter. This is the year, THIS IS THE YEAR! I really think we can make it. Love xxxx

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  6. AnonymousJanuary 6, 2011 at 5:03 PM

    I know how that feels, and sometimes I think it is sad that we feel like the only thing we have is the control over our body.
    But in the bad times this gives us strength. I hope that you will find something for yourself that will make you feel like you are worth a lot more. Because you are, darling.

    Sending you all my love,
    Merely

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  7. AlexJanuary 6, 2011 at 6:22 PM

    Hun, I gained 6 over chrimbo too, it sucks doesn't it? But we're strong, we've done it before we can do it again. I really hope you get better, maybe the cold will help with a bit of loss? And your words are so true and relate-able, I haven't been able to sleep either and weight loss and control is so calming. Get well soon <3

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  8. AnonymousJanuary 6, 2011 at 10:42 PM

    I know how you feel, as soon as you stop caring you accidently start eating to much. good job on not giving up.

    xo Chloe

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  9. SeaJanuary 7, 2011 at 1:54 AM

    I am feeling the same way lately, frightened & exhausted etc, your words exactly. You are not alone in those feelings. Get better soon!

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  10. *Broken*January 7, 2011 at 7:15 AM

    I ´ve gained 5 kg, so don´t feel bad, we all gained weight over the holiidays.
    Lately I feel I´m only my ED too...
    You will get to your goal, you are very strong!
    xx

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  11. KayJanuary 8, 2011 at 1:11 PM

    This comment has been removed by the author.

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