Life as of Late

It's been the craziest week ever. I was so...in touch with my self. I lost 3 lb from Monday, which is better than nothing or gaining. I did my homework. I studied. I did ballet. I exercised. OH! And I started using the treadmill again, for the first time since I fell on one over 3 months ago. I love running, so so much. I feel so alive when I run. I feel like I'm GOING somewhere when I run, as ironic as that sounds. The best part about exercise is seeing the results. Even though I binged once this week, the amount of exercise I did "canceled" out the binge. The day I binged, I must have done 100 push-ups, 100 squats, and 100 calf-raises (3 sets, 2 minutes rest b/w sets). Didn't gain a thing. I'm frustrated that my weight loss is slow and that I've set myself so far back, but I know I can do it. I am strong.

I went to the gym at 3:30 pm today, and damnnnnn, there was a surplus of hot boyss, I mean they were just coming in through the goddam window, I was practically drooling while trying not to look stupid in front of all of them. Holy shit, I'm getting wet just thinking about all of them, might have to change my panties hahahahaha. ANYWAY. I think I'll be at the gym every Friday afternoon...Also, I passed the dance studio and there was this girl in there doing ballet, looking so pretty and tiny. I WISH I went in to say 'hello' and 'I do ballet too,' but I didn't because, well...when I'm not TRYING to be cute, my natural style is "grunge-y prep" and I didn't want to intimidate her with my modified combat boots and shielded left eye...

I want to be tiny like the girls in the pictures in this post. Tiny and delicate-looking and graceful and light and blah blah, you get the picture. GOTTA get back to 100 lb. Plus, losing the weight will make me a better ballerina; whenever I gain weight, my pirouettes fail. Also, I'll have the confidence to hook up with a boy. I've decided to ditch the 16-year old because he was starting to get weird and clingy. I'll be open to dates once I dip below 105 lb. I need to get laid. OH SNAP, and my TA for calculus, omgomgomgomg, oh-em-eff-gee, SHIT, fuck, he is so C. U. T. E. CUTE. AHHHHHHH! I went to class for the first time since November, and he's grown out his black hair, it used to be a crew cut, and ahhhhhh, what a cutie!!!! Gawd, and when a question stumped him and his cheeks turned pink, ahhhhhh! I melted. Literally. Into a blob of hearts, and cotton candy, and puppies.

Jeeze, I wish I looked like Karlie Kloss. If I could just get that skinny...Then I can wear cuter clothes, have a good excuse to do my hair better...*sigh*