Oh my God. I feel really gross right now. Like, I feel like shitting my brains out, except I don't have to. I want to because I've eaten so much. My poor stomach is full way over capacity. Oh shit. I feel so sick. I'm never bingeing again. Oh my god, this feels worse than when laxatives start to take effect. I'm drinking green tea right now, but shit-on-my-face, I feel so sick. I have this blog strictly for motivation and thinspiration purposes. It's supposed to be a thinspiring blog, that's what it was always meant to be. But I have built such close relationships with you all, that I feel like I can share something with you: I've become really depressed over the past few weeks, and it's been taking me over. It's very bad, but I'm trying to fix it. I always try. I'm a fighter. I keep thinking I should see a doctor or counsellor, but I can't because my problem won't let me: I might have agoraphobia, I did some research. I am just so afraid of everything. Literally. I'm not exaggerating. I'm afraid of everything. Socializing. People. Being around people. People looking at me. Leaving my house. Walking to class. Talking to people. Exploring my world.
That being said, I'm ready to take a stand. I'm going to take a stand against myself. If self-starvation is the only thing I have left, so be it. I'm ready to become the thinnest I have ever been. I'm going to get rid of these love handles. I am going to fight and fight. So even if I am destined to be a loner forever, at least I will be thin. And beautiful. This is all I have. I'm a fighter. I'm fighting for thin.
That post-binge feeling is the worst worst worst. I'm sorry you're feeling down and scared, but I believe in you. Keep fighting, you WILL win.
ReplyDeleteI can relate to everything in this post. Even the semi-agoraphobic feelings. You're not alone, I understand. Feel better- just let your stomach handle the food for now, and in an hour or two, just keep water on hand at all times, drink and drink and drink.
ReplyDeletexo
Victoria
I love your determination!! I'm a loner too, and being a loner isn't a bad thing at all. I love your quote, "If I'm destined to be a loner, at least I'll be thin." That's awesome. Keep on fighting and never give up!
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I know I don't comment much but I love reading your blog. I can relate to you about the loner part and not wanting to socialize, be around people, etc. I feel the exact same way most of the time except around a few people. You're definitely NOT alone in this because I know a lot of people, especially girls our ages, experience it. Don't be afraid to talk to someone if you think it would help :) Haha I wish I would take my own advice because I'm resisting talking about it with someone myself! Anyway, I think you're GORGEOUS looking, good luck with all your goals!!
ReplyDeleteLet's make a deal right now, you and me. No bingeing ever again. Ever.
ReplyDeleteSometimes when nothing is right, I think, "At least I have this. I will be thin."
This week will be good one. <3
I felt that way in high school, very isolated and painfully shy. It's gotten a little better here at university; it helps when you can meet people with similar interests. But there is something beautiful and mysterious about being alone, isn't there? Stay strong love.
ReplyDeletexx
If you really need help, don't be afraid to go out and ask for it.
ReplyDeleteSome things we can get through on our own, we are very strong-minded people. But some things we can't. Only you can know which of the two this is.
<3 I'll be waiting to hear how you're doing.
Be brave.
Hey, just wanted to say i love ur blog and ur the cutest hehe :D l know how u feel with the bloated tummy for some stupid reason i cooked my bf a pork roast and ate soo much l feel so disgusting and sick lf i could vomit l would. Tomorrow is a new day so let's do better tomorrow...
ReplyDeletegood luck
I love this. I hope you're ok and that you will feel better. You deserve happiness. And you are strong, and I hope you make it through this hard time. <3
ReplyDeleteyour hot, I wish I could be with you
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