Disgusted

I hate them, I hate them! I just hate my parents so much! They are so fucking nosy. And they scrutinize me when I eat. It's NOT just a coincidence that they come into the kitchen EVERY TIME I go there to eat something. It is NOT a coincidence. They come to observe. They come to see what I'm eating. How I'm eating. They come to see me eat, in general; that's to say, as if I'm an animal in a cage at a zoo. I know. I've been having this happen for months. And it makes me angry. It makes me feel disgusting and watched, like I have to privacy, like I'm not normal. Jesus Christ. I'm enraged. I just wish I could move out, and be surrounded by people who are normal, who treat me normally, who don't scrutinize me, who I can talk about food with normally without people underestimating me. Today, my economics/gym buddy offered me some of her peanut butter sandwich and I told her stories of my past Nutella binging and my love for almond/peanut butter, because I knew that she would, and she did, treat me normally; she laughed and shared her own stories. It was the most beautiful thing. Oh, and my "random-anorexics.com" friend is a weirdo. Won't be sharing stuff with her. Not sure what her story is, but I'm not interested anymore.

And, ya, ya, I know I was a bitch in the last post. What I meant about the "ugly poor people" was that, being uneducated, they were rude, unruly...quite unlike the lovely people I meet at my family's doctor/pharmaceutical conferences. Whatever. I don't blame them for being them. Fuck. I am so pissed off right now at my home situation. I'm off to ballet tonight. On my way back, I'm stopping at the grocery store to pick up some of my favourite shelf staples. That way I never have to leave my room, and my parents will never get to watch me eat, and when I go to the bathroom, they won't think it's because I ate something. There. Fuck you, mom, dad.

Updates will get more thinspirational, soon. I promise. Oh, yeah! I'm trying this new thing for a week, where I try to avoid the Internet as much as possible, and try going outside more. So my comments may be lacking...