I feel almost unworthy to post these lovely pictures of lovely girls... I worked out so hard today. I don't want to get to into it, because then you'll see how much progress I just deleted by bingeing. But I'll just say, that the lack of calories has made me weaker and I've accepted that I'll probably never be able to run the 5K. But I'm okay with that, as long as I can be thin. Honestly, I'm really disappointed in myself today. But this was the first binge in 3 days, which is a good record. And tomorrow I'll do better. I always do. Morely, I'm disappointed because I did not study economics today. The test is on Friday, and I'm not ready. Nor, am I close to 100 lb. AND my fucking dad came home from Hawaii today: another reason to be silent and hate home.
I just really can't wait for tomorrow to come, so I can start being good and getting thin again. I don't know what's going to happen to me. What I mean, is that I'm not sure if I have the strength to make it to the 90s by xmas. This scares me. Why? Why can't I just resist food? How do you girls do it? Tell me all your tips and tricks and secrets. I need all the advice I can get! xo
i'm so sorry honey. i know how awful i feel when i binge, and i wouldn't wish that feeling of self loathing on anyone. but please, please remember that there is always a new day. a new day to start a fresh. it shouldn't matter how long the journey takes. and in the end, it makes everything worth while. there are going to be bumps along the way. the strongest people are the ones who pick themselves up after the fall. i really, truly hope you're okay.
ReplyDeletealice d.
i agree with alice. there is always a new day. it will be okay. i have bad days too, and i realize that i need to stop. stop the binge. stop the bad thinking. just stop. sometimes i realize that when im about to binge, its just because i need/want to eat. its just the feeling of chewing and satisfying something inside me aside form hunger. so i pick a safe food. and eat as much as i want. like salad, or somethings something a little higher in calories, like oranges or apples. things get better when you realize you are able to have control.
ReplyDeleteit'll be okay.
we love you. :)
oh no honey, I am sorry. but maybe this will help you: so, I have found out that it is really hard for me to make it trough the day without anything, I also think that this is not neccessary. which is why I always have something to eat at about 2 p.m., that's my meal, and it really helps me to not be hungry in the evening. Maybe it'll help you, too.
ReplyDeletedon't be angry with yourself, you'll just study on your own and you'll do good on friday. have faith in yourself, darling.
oh, another thing i wanted to ask, could you maybe post or give me the link of the blog of the girl you wrote about just recently? i seem to not be able to find her blog.....so that would be very nice of you.
Always keep on going, sweetie.
Merely
Oh darling, don't be too hard on yourself. You're stronger than you know. I can absolutely relate to wanting tomorrow to begin so we can start again. I NEED a fresh start.
ReplyDeleteI believe you can be in the 90s by Christmas. I really believe it.
All my love,
Adeline xx
You post some of the best pictures. The back on the second girl...
ReplyDeleteAnd think of it this way, you didn't deleted progress, you merely broke even. Let the night wipe your slate clean. I avoid binges by giving into them (Axis I bulimic, after all) by cooking reasonable portions of healthy and catabolic foods in advance and keeping dried fruit in my bag when tea and gum aren't enough. Perhaps you only need to space out your caloric intake or drink more fluids. You'll get back to your resolve of the past three days.
Now, listen here! I am here to tell you that we, WE ARE GOING TO BE THE BEST OF ALL. We are are going to shine, brighter than our fathers and mothers, brighter than anyone who has let us down before, brighter than anyone who has ever made us feel bad.
ReplyDeleteBinges happen. No, they're not great, but start today afresh and just keep going. I am pretty sure I am about a million miles further from the 90s than you. We're going to make it! Do you hear?
Not.quite.ana has made it, and aren't we both so proud of her? We're going to make it too, we'll drag each other there :)
Now, that binge, whatever it was, it has given you vital cals to fuel your work outs. Everyone knows miss alisha is a work out demon! Now you're going to power through it today :)
I love you hun, you're one of my biggest thinspirations and we have to stay strong ok?
<3 xxxxx
Try to think of binges as metabolism boosters. I try to look at them that way (but they still fucking suck).
ReplyDeleteIt's been freezing here too, I hate having to bus when it's cold out. Makes me what to binge more to get warm, you know? I'm sure you'll still make you're goal. You can do it. <3
binges are lame. i've never been able to have a a streak of good days that heads into double digits! but we'll get there eventually hun. progress progress progress. stay strong xx
ReplyDeleteHey new follower here :) You're the same height as me and you're so skinny you have no idea how jealous I am of you! Anyway I hope you're ok, and well done though on 3 days without a binge, I know how hard it can be to stay away from them. You can never say "I'll never binge again" because it's impossible >< for me anyway. :) xx
ReplyDeleteaw i hate days like these when nothing seems to go right. good luck on your test, just remember that even if today seems like the worst day ever at least there will be a tomorrow where we can redeem ourselves :) don't worry there's still time until christmas!!
ReplyDelete