Friday, November 5, 2010

Take Your Taste Back

All right, all right. So, tonight...I actually ate a dinner. I haven't had a LEGITIMATE meal in a week. Mostly I just have tiny snacks all day. But tonight, I was watching Weeds and this pizza commercial came on JUST as I got up to get a fat-free yogurt. It drove me so crazy, I literally rewinded the TV to watch it again. Into the kitchen, I went. It would have been a binge, but it wasn't. I ate my mother's amazing Indian food: chickpea masala, with...white bread. Damn. I was controlled though, the whole time. I knew perfectly well what I was doing, and the whole time the voice in my head begged me to stop, but I didn't. In total, that was about 300 calories and 10 grams of fat. Shit...For a person who usually eats 300 calories in a whole day, that IS a binge! But I'm not thinking much about it.
I'm gonna be a superstar all weekend. You know how I know? Because I weighed-in tonight at 101.8 lb. That's right. 101.8. *bows* I stepped on that scale 3 times to make sure. That dinner will be nothing. (Touch wood) Tomorrow, I'll follow my usual plan, and at the party "I ate before I came," and since it's at Scooters, I'll be burning TONS of cals skating. Whoa! It's like everything's just handed to me! Thanks so much for the advice, petals. I love the vegan excuse, I'm totally using it. I even brought up veganism with those friends once. I didn't work out today. I thought about it, but my biceps are sore, my shoulders are sore. Don't even get me started on my legs. Tomorrow, I'll be skating for God knows how long, that'll be good exercise. Let's do something fun, let's bet on how much I'll weigh by Sunday! Haha, I have wayyy to much fun with this ED, or whatever it is I have.
OH, and that friend! I sat next to her in Bio today. We started talking about Wintergirls, she said she'd lend it to me, so I told her about Wasted and that I'd lend it to her. Then she brought up Ellen Degeneres' wife's book on her anorexia. (It JUST came out, it's called Unbearable Lightness.) Then she took out this cereal called Cheerios, saying, "There's only 100 calories and 1 gram of fat, per CUP." We each had 10 Cheerios. Then she said, "Ohmagawd, like, two years ago, my doctor, like, I got down to 95 lb so my doctor made my mom, like, sit with me for every meal, it was awful." JUST LIKE ME. So I exclaimed, "Oh my God, like, ME TOO, I got down to 90 lb two years ago, and my mom would sit with me during and 20 minutes after I finished!" She said, "Aw, to make sure you wouldn't purge?" I nodded, and she said, "Damn, 90? What are you at now?" I told her 102, then we talked about going to the gym together. I am pretty flabbergasted at all this, but I'm still keeping my guard up. It's too weird to be real.

6 comments:

  1. That is pretty weird, I hope it turns out well!

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  2. that is so weird but so good! you've got someone in the same headspace as you in the real world. i would love that!
    300cals is no biggie - you just have to keep it together at the party and double digits will be yours :)
    good luck x

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  3. Yeah, if I think about that, I haven't had an actual meal in about two weeks. That's a weird thing. I haven't eaten any heated food. But I agree with you, this totally feels like a binge, or rather like it's way too much for one day.

    I actually grabbed a wooden plate now! Haha, silly me. But I hope your weight thing works out for you this weekend.

    I still can't say what's about this girl, but it seem like an interesting thing. Keep an eye on her.

    Stay strong, love.
    Merely

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  4. Wow, if that was my friend I'd be so paranoid my hair would be falling out but hey, that's just me. Good luck with the party.

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  5. OH my gosh! Your blog is definitely my favorite. :)

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  6. Those 2 girls. Wow.

    CHANEL AND THIN yes please.

    You lost more? You're doing good :) And don't be hard on yourself for eating dinner it sounded delicious :)

    xxx

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