It's Worth It

Take your hands and run them over your body. Feel how alive you are. How you could ever have taken life for granted. How you could have ever misread the signals. How you never listened, how you never take your own advice. How you were scared to talk to that crush. How everything you've ever done up until this point never meant a thing. All you need is love. If there's anything I could say to sum up how I feel right right now, it's alive. And I was thinking that I could be happy if I could be skinnier. I could float through my life, and be able to remember things in a different way. I'd remember because I'd be happy. If I'm as fat as I am now, why would I choose remember? I don't want to forget my goal. I will never forget. The next time, I give myself the freedom to eat, will be when I'm less than 100 lb. For now, I am not free. I won't allow it.

My father has left for Maui, Hawaii for 10 days on a pharmaceutical conference. AWESOME. Go shawwty, it's ya birthday, we gonna party like it's ya birthday! I HATE my dad more than I hate my mom, so that's one less annoyance in my life for 10 whole days! Wheeeee! Right now, I'm stressing because I've got today and tomorrow afternoon to write a 3 page essay for Biology. I chose a topic that I'm really interested in: Is high-fructose corn syrup more detrimental to human health than sugar; so it's not so bad. What's bad is that I've left it to the last minute. Procrastinated, which is something I swore I'd never to again. Oh well. I'm gonna try harder to be strong. I don't try as hard as I should, and I tend to give up after one slip-up, binging the rest of the day. I'm gonna try harder to be strong. I'm hearing so many success stories. I want to be 95 lb for Christmas. So bad. Thin, thin. This is really what I want. From every inch of my heart.