103.4

The thinner I get, the more "extreme" my thinspo gets. It's hard finding pictures of girls thinner than me as thinspiration. I have such high expectations! That's not necessarily a bad thing, but people say it will backfire on me.

Weigh-in this morning at 103.4 lb. Not bad seeing that I ate more meat than usual yesterday and grad night. It's Canada Day today, so I'm going to tell my parents I'm going out for dinner than watch fireworks. Haha. No dinner for ME tonight. AND this weekend I'm going for my cousin's grad party in Cleveland with my dad and sister. No mother to make sure I eat! Yes, it's going to be a weekend of becoming thinner.
I was thinking about the grad after-party. Normally, in a social situation where everyone is having a good time and I'm known as the quiet one, I would get depressed out of my mind. I'd have left the party. But I wasn't depressed at this party. When a bunch of us were outside smoking and talking, it hit me and I thought, 'why aren't I depressed?' Then I thought, 'No, do not think about your sadness. Concentrate on having fun.' I'm not sure why I was able to forget about my sadness. Maybe it was because of the alcohol I had. I was so loose because of it! In any case, maybe it's a sign that I DO have the power to overcome my sadness or maybe it's a sign that in the future I might turn to alcohol...
Later, loves!