I disgust myself. Seriously. I'm pissed at my mom and dad for making a big deal about my lack of eating. I binged and purged last night. I was making pancakes this morning and my dad comes up to me saying, "I'm worried about you not eating enough. When you're 70 years old your bones will probably be weak and brittle. I hate to think how your bones are
now..." I binged again this afternoon. Bread+butter, pancakes, maple syrup, rice, cookie dough...Then I took my sister to Coldstone where I had sweet cream with cookie dough. Dammit. I'm not gonna purge. I deserve to work THAT MUCH HARDER this week. More swimming, running, skipping, and calisthenics. And restricting. I'm good at that when I really try. I honestly can't believe I binged that much. I mean, usually I stop before I go too far, but this was ridicules. I am utterly ashamed of myself.
Going to my aunt's birthday party at her house tonight. Her husband's a chef. Good food. I'll try sticking to veggies only. I made a marble bundt cake to take for dessert. It's a damn good cake. I CANNOT have any dessert. I CANNOT. I
WILL NOT. I'll say 'no, thanks.' I promise. I need to prove myself to myself. I DO have the will power. Food is the
enemy. I have come wayyy to far to take orders from food. Way too far. Hahaha. I scoff at food. I scoff at fat. I am better than that. Skinny, and everything it brings, is better than that.
^I love that picture so much. I want to go to the beach. Wear beach clothes. And look like the cutest, thinnest girl in sight.
Going to my aunt's birthday party at her house tonight. Her husband's a chef. Good food. I'll try sticking to veggies only. I made a marble bundt cake to take for dessert. It's a damn good cake. I CANNOT have any dessert. I CANNOT. I WILL NOT. I'll say 'no, thanks.' I promise. I need to prove myself to myself. I DO have the will power. Food is the enemy. I have come wayyy to far to take orders from food. Way too far. Hahaha. I scoff at food. I scoff at fat. I am better than that. Skinny, and everything it brings, is better than that. 
^I love that picture so much. I want to go to the beach. Wear beach clothes. And look like the cutest, thinnest girl in sight.
we all have those bad days, it's how well you make up for them afterwards! you can do it.
ReplyDeleteUgh, I always get freaked out whenever I think about what my body must be going through =/
ReplyDeleteBut stay strong and keep healthy! You can do this! =)
I hate it when parents do that. Do they not know that those snarky comments aren't helping? Good luck with resisting dessert, my darling. Just have faith in yourself. If you don't believe in your own abilities, then what else is there?
ReplyDelete