I Heart Confidence (And You)

Yesterday's dinner was completely enjoyable. I had creamy baked goat cheese on top of the best salad in the whole world. It was so good I wanted seconds. Of a salad! Then I had salmon on top of another salad. The salad was good and the salmon was boring. I'm kinda tired of always ordering the salmon salad where ever I go. So from now on, if I'm gonna have a cheat meal, it doesn't have to be the healthiest. Oh, and for dessert I had strawberries with a tiny scoop of vanilla bean ice cream and the buttery-est shortbread cookie in the world. I didn't feel bad at all about the meal. I was 102.5 lb, and one meal is not gonna make me any heavier next weigh-in. I got back into routine today. Except: I made chocolate chip cookie dough for my little sister and, of course, I started eating away at the cookie dough. I don't care what anyone or ana says, cookie dough is amazing. I probably had the equivalent of one cookie. Whatever. I kicked my butt today with circuit training and I'm going skating later tonight. I am getting very good at fooling my family. I am losing weight. I am gaining confidence. I am so thankful that I have an online community, here, where we all have similar goals and all you girls offer me your support.
I have to hand it to my parents. They are actually backing off my life. I am noticing it. I can eat whenever and whatever the hell I want. They think I've lost my ability to self-induce vomiting so they don't mind if I go to the washroom after eating. I can go out whenever I want. I can make spontaneous plans. I can skip dinner. I am on the road to 'normalcy.' No one will ever know my secrets. It's so fun to talk to people and laugh about certain things, and at the same time think "If only they knew who I really am and what I'm capable of." To my family, I am a mystery. They don't know any personal things about me. In a small strange way, I like being a mystery. Besides, don't guys like that quality in a girl? Okay, forget boys, they don't like me anyway. I'm self-spoken, too sarcastic, and I'm not afraid to say unusual things. Sometimes, my sarcasm gets mistaken for bitchiness. And I'm a feminist. And I'm the kind of girl who would use a boy for sex and mind games. So I completely understand if boys don't like me. But sometimes, I like to think that I'm the kind of girl boys like. Sometimes. And that's okay.
OKAY! Who's gonna lose at least 2 more pounds by next week? ME! Who's gonna make heads turn? ME! Who's gonna walk into university with overflowing confidence? ME! ME! ME! And to my lovely online community: Good luck with your goals! You are capable and everything is possible! Stay strong and beautiful!