Eating is Unnecessary

It's kind of like constantly being watched. I feel like every move I make is watched and recorded and scrutinized. That is because of the way my parents constantly used to watch me and scrutinize me. Because of them, I always have my guard up, a strong thick wall. I am always afraid that I will do something wrong, so I go to great lengths to seem normal. I always think of what could happen if I say or do something; I never do things in the moment, out of fear. I am extremely self-concious in this way. This is a very ugly thing that I do not want to discuss further. But it just makes me sad and angry that I am this way because of my parents.

I must say, I've been good the past few days, minus Thursday. Last night I made these cinnamon rolls. They came out fantastic. I binged on two, but purged them. My mom took me and my sister out for Indian food. Indian food is so tasty...Anyway, I didn't eat much, just bhindi (okra) masala and whole wheat roti/bread. I believe I purged some of that, too. Haha. I cheat to lose weight. I got my car back, today! I'm thrilled. No more spending time at stupid home. I'm going to a party tonight. There will be pizza. And probably dessert. If I eat, I purge. No buts about it. The thing is, when I'm about to eat something that isn't "safe," I think 'I can always purge it.' But then I think 'Purging is so tiring and gross...I don't really feel like doing it unnecessarily...' So that's when I stop myself from eating it. It's a pretty good technique. Stay strong, lovelies!