Food=Annoyance

Honestly, I've been doing good and I'm proud of myself and the progress I've made. My only weakness is almond butter. It's the main source of fat in my diet. Without it, I'd be perfect. Wow, perfect is a strong word. But it's true. Today, I had a pretty big lunch which I'm not happy about. My mom was around, but I should have wasted half of it...I have no idea why I didn't. Yuck. I hate the feeling of fullness. My mom informed me that my dad's gonna be home tonight and there is pasta with clams and meat sauce for dinner. I don't think either of my parents will be home for dinner. But if they are, and IF I eat with them, I will purge everything. I cannot take in any more food today. I've had enough of carbs for the day, enough fat, and I DO NOT want the meat from the meat sauce in my body. That's my guarantee: I will purge if I eat that dinner.

Weighed myself this morning, for the first time in 3 weeks. 105 lb. Whatever. I'm making progress. My BMI is exactly 18. I'd really like to see it back in the low 17s. Soon. You know, it's actually not even a joke how much I detest my parents. I detest them and how they obsess over eating and food. Over MY eating and food. Over my LIFE. Mom is always wanting to see and know what I'm eating. I hate it when people see me eat. My parents judge me based on what I eat. They think I'm mental for saying dinner should be the smallest meal of the day, even though it SHOULD; just because they're so used to enormous dinners and tiny breakfasts. Goddam, I hate my family when it comes to food. They are disgusting. I just wish I could get away with eating a mere slice of bread for lunch, the way I do when they aren't around...

Frosh week starts on September 1 and I want to be very very skinny and toned by then. Very skinny. Hopefully I can make it to 100 lb by then. I think I'd be quite thin at 100 lb.